From Suicide Survivor to Creative Entrepreneur | Andrew Jang

1
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,120
So welcome to this episode of
the Holly Hughes Podcast, where

2
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,400
creative people come to talk
about life outside of the

3
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,640
corporate box.
Today I'm exceedingly excited.

4
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,240
I think I say that too often,
but everyone knows I fall in

5
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:25,880
love with every guest, which is
problematic, but part of who I

6
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,440
am as well.
I have Andrew Yang today, so

7
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,040
that was my other thing.
Isn't Jang or Yang because it's

8
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,280
Korean?
But I don't know if your

9
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,760
adoptive family was Korean.
Yeah, so my adoptive family is

10
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,760
white, but it's Chonga.
But everyone says Jang and I

11
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,360
just go with it because it is
what it is.

12
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,640
OK, I'm just, I'm going to roll
with it then.

13
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:48,480
So I'll say Andrew Jang, but you
are a fashion designer, an epic

14
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,200
one.
I can't wait to dive into that

15
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,760
and a mental health advocate.
And my tongue in cheek is like,

16
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,320
I think you're a thirst trap
king.

17
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,960
For all the ladies out there who
haven't seen his gym photos.

18
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,360
You're honestly missing out.
And I am a little hesitant to

19
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,760
tease and joke because we are
going to be talking about

20
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,560
depression and suicidal
ideation.

21
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,840
I don't want you to think I'm
belittling it, but one of my

22
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,320
coping mechanisms is I deflect
with humor.

23
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,560
And so now you all know more
about me that way.

24
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:21,040
That is how I cope with crap.
So thank you for coming.

25
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,200
We've kind of been Internet
friends.

26
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,800
I don't know like a couple years
at this point, but that's kind

27
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,160
of spectacular as well.
Yeah, yeah, especially for me,

28
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,560
'cause I don't keep friends
long.

29
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,920
I think you're super vulnerable.
And I used to be.

30
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,000
And so when I see that sometimes
I put an extra boundary up, I'm

31
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,080
like, oh, something's happening
with him.

32
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,320
I don't know what.
And I can feel because of my

33
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,040
clairvoyance, when you get
entangled, I was like, oh,

34
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,040
what's going to happen next?
But when I met you, you were

35
00:01:54,040 --> 00:02:00,160
traveling across the United
States meeting people in an RV

36
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,680
that scared the shit out of me.
That RV scared me.

37
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,360
I was like, what are you doing
in that death box?

38
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,400
And then the damn thing blew up
basically.

39
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:15,200
So again, welcome to the show.
I want to start with your

40
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,840
fashion design.
I was actually quite worried

41
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,800
like what do I wear?
Because I know you can only just

42
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,920
see me from like here up anyway.
But I was like fashion like in

43
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,880
Lai was a fashion girl.
I was all there.

44
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,600
But now I'm like, I don't know,
I know it's intimidating.

45
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,440
I wanted to look cute, but
classic.

46
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,640
So I just went with the white
T-shirt because like, you can't

47
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,040
go wrong with that.
And it's hot already here in the

48
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,320
Carolinas.
So screw it.

49
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,120
I know you think it's funny, but
it's totally how I thought.

50
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:45,960
I I want to know like, what is
your perspective on your origin

51
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,600
story and how it influenced you
in fashion?

52
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:55,640
Because you wrote about like
kind of being worn and left.

53
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,840
Like that's when I think of like
fashion, like high fashion, it's

54
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,080
worn your scene and then it's
left, right?

55
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,280
And so I was curious if you've
ever thought about it that way.

56
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:12,240
No, maybe because fashion really
isn't that important to me.

57
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:17,880
I only got a chance to work at
the NBA draft just because some

58
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,960
randomness of life, like I
didn't go to school for fashion.

59
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,120
I was considered one of the
worst dressed in high school,

60
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,560
and I was.
And when I got into my 20s and I

61
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:32,640
had money, I dressed like a
douche because I didn't know

62
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,600
what style was.
I didn't know what taste was.

63
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,960
I went to Express, I went to
Nordstrom, bought all the

64
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,160
expensive shit because the
salesperson was hot.

65
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,600
Like, that's all I knew.
And so I literally when you

66
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:47,200
imagine the douchiest guy with
the most expensive clothes and

67
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,080
the most manicured eyebrows and
tips, gold yellow tips in their

68
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,720
hair, that was me.
And I didn't know any better,

69
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,280
but I was very fortunate.
So a little bit of the origin

70
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,000
story born.
My mother gave me to my

71
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,760
grandmother.
My grandmother gave me up for

72
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,960
adoption.
That was it made to a family in

73
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,640
Iowa, great family farming
community.

74
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,720
My parents are educators.
Started out with I think there

75
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,040
was four or five of us when I
first got there.

76
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,320
And then there was 10 kids by
the time I graduated high

77
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,079
school.
So it just, it grew, but I

78
00:04:21,079 --> 00:04:23,000
wasn't close with my family
during that time.

79
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,200
Just that's kind of my own kid,
my own self.

80
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,000
But we go up to the farm during
the summers and I'd spend time

81
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,440
with my grandmother as much as
possible because my grandfather

82
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,720
was really mean.
And my grandmother knew my

83
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,640
grandfather was hard on me.
She knew my parents were hard on

84
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,000
me.
And every now and then she would

85
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,160
take me with the other grandmas
just to get me away.

86
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,600
And that's actually where I
learned to sew.

87
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,040
And they had a sewing machine
and cookies and doughnuts and

88
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,240
bread.
And I just was able to tinker

89
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,080
around on the sewing machine and
eating cookies.

90
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,320
And no one really taught me
anything.

91
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,040
Like she would teach me just how
not to get my fingers through

92
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:03,120
the needle, but like, it was
just kind of allowing me to just

93
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,240
play around with this machine.
And that always kind of stuck

94
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,520
with me.
And I think when you're raised

95
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,480
in small communities where you
have to be very creative because

96
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,960
there's nothing to do out there.
I was a kid that talked to

97
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,120
myself and I was a kid that just
would pick up rocks and sticks

98
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,640
and build things.
And I think we all did that.

99
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,120
And MacGyver was a huge
influence for me.

100
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:27,360
And so when I caught my 20s, I
knew that I knew how to

101
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,400
basically sew and I knew I
wanted to dress better than I

102
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,720
was.
And I went to thrift stores.

103
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,520
I remember walking in there and
I just like the first time I saw

104
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,720
this beautiful tuxedo jacket.
And I'm like, the thing's

105
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,400
gorgeous.
Bought it for, I think it's 50

106
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,640
bucks.
And that thing had to been, you

107
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,560
know, seven, $800 back then,
brand new.

108
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,320
But then I took it home.
It was too big for me.

109
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,640
And I just knew that I needed to
fit.

110
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,520
I wanted to look primer on me.
So when I bought this tuxedo

111
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:03,760
jacket, I literally just started
cutting it apart and sewing it

112
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,480
back together and putting it on
me and seeing what I could do.

113
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,960
And then I went to this party,
this gala, and there was this

114
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,320
married couple there and they're
like, you're the best dressed

115
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,160
guy here.
They're like, where did you get

116
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,800
your tuxedo and your everything
from?

117
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,920
I was like, oh, I made it.
And they're like, can we pay you

118
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,560
to make us something?
And I was just like, and I, I

119
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,840
had a job, I was doing other
stuff, but I was like, yeah, you

120
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,480
know, if you pay me 2500, I'll
do it.

121
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,680
And they're like, cool, they
wrote me a check and I'll just

122
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,400
like, I had no idea what I was
doing.

123
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,480
I had no idea where you get
fabric from, never knew how to

124
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,680
measure anyone.
Like I was just guessing the

125
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,400
whole fucking way.
And I don't really know how I

126
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,440
made them anything that worked.
But The thing is, it's so

127
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,800
humbling.
And they were so kind because

128
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,560
The thing is they could have
been really mad at me.

129
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,720
They gave me a shit load of
money and what I delivered

130
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,400
really wasn't that great.
But I was like, let me try

131
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,560
again.
And I tried again, and the

132
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,720
second time it came out really
good.

133
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,800
And it was good enough that they
referred me to an NBA player.

134
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,680
And I didn't know he's an NBA
player.

135
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,920
I thought he was a rapper.
But then I made him something.

136
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,600
And that's actually how I got
the shot at the NBA draft.

137
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,280
So it's just because a sports
agent was like, dude, you made

138
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,280
something for my guy.
He won't stop talking about it.

139
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,680
We got a kid going first round
in the NBA draft.

140
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,840
Will you work with us?
And I had just been homeless.

141
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,600
Like I lost everything.
I got sued by next business

142
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,840
partner.
I had my whole community, my

143
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,880
whole friends, every my whole
network just decide I was

144
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,680
garbage because of journalists
decided just to say shit about

145
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,320
me.
That was like 1/4 true.

146
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,440
The rest was bullshit, but I
didn't know how to handle it.

147
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,480
I was afraid to death and not
being perfect.

148
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,080
I was afraid to death of like
just this things like, Oh my

149
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,080
God, I'm being sued.
Oh my God, I'm being this.

150
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:52,520
And my whole life went from I
was probably one of the top 2030

151
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,800
most popular people in the city
of Seattle.

152
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,640
I built myself from nothing to
have the city, Seattle called me

153
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,960
all the time.
I did so many events, like high

154
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,640
end events that were talked
about throughout the town.

155
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:06,240
I built a tech company that
basically created first hand

156
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,880
experiences for travelers into
the city and they got to eat

157
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,840
with the chef in the restaurant.
Like I created that and I had

158
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,520
experiences with the Space
Needle.

159
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,560
Like, think about that, where I
had my name as a secret menu and

160
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,440
I create all these secret
experiences.

161
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,480
I knew everyone.
Like I was meeting with CFOCO,

162
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,280
the Starbucks, Google, I mean,
you name it, I was meeting with

163
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,760
them.
I did a private dinner for Jeff

164
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,720
Bezos and I shut down the whole
fucking restaurant.

165
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,919
Brought in and James Beard
award-winning chef.

166
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:40,360
I built myself up into this
really great presence in

167
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,840
Seattle.
And I'm not ashamed to say that

168
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,039
like, I raised millions of
dollars for charities.

169
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,600
I was an advocate for the
underserved, women of abuse,

170
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,520
underserved kids, for dogs, you
name it.

171
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,800
I was doing something for those
charities.

172
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,640
And I was just known all
throughout Seattle.

173
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,480
And to have a lawsuit from a man
that didn't even live there,

174
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:03,240
that didn't even evolve what I
was doing, to have them team up

175
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,440
with a journalist, my whole life
imploded.

176
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,320
Now, there was still shit that
was my fault.

177
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,840
I'm not going to lie about that.
Like, I was running fast and

178
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,720
loose.
I was scared all the time.

179
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,240
I was drunk all the time to make
up for all the shit that I

180
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:18,320
didn't want to deal with.
And I'm literally what it's like

181
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,760
when you don't know how to
handle your problems, but you're

182
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,160
just good enough to keep pushing
the problem further and further

183
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,480
down.
And you just lucky enough that

184
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,440
something big happens where you
don't have to deal with it.

185
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,960
Like literally that's what kept
happening.

186
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,680
And so kind of like my clothes
that was held together with duct

187
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,800
tape and string.
My life was literally held

188
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,720
together with duct tape and
string until the moment it just

189
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,800
couldn't hold anymore and
everything left me like.

190
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,960
Right.
What was the fear that propelled

191
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,360
you?
Just not being perfect.

192
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,880
But the fear was that was.
Just it was just because I

193
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,840
wanted to be light.
I needed validation.

194
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,760
Like I was so afraid of being
considered a loser and not rich

195
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:05,680
and successful that I hid that
the fact that I was struggling,

196
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,800
my business was struggling
because of this lawsuit.

197
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,720
And what made it worse was that
I would drink every night and

198
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,520
that drinking got worse and
worse and worse.

199
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,880
So then I'd wake up later
throughout the day.

200
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,680
I wouldn't really be handling my
business.

201
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,480
And then when you drink a lot
like that and people are saying,

202
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:28,080
oh, my God, and it creates this
form of anxiety that you blame

203
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,800
everything else except for what
you're really doing to yourself.

204
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,000
At least that's what happened to
me.

205
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,000
But yeah, my original fear was
just that I had built up this

206
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,920
reputation of being the most
successful, badass guy that all

207
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,400
the women loved, all the dudes
envied.

208
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,560
I can get anything I want.
I was a bit of a Dick, I'll

209
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,920
admit that.
But I had good reason also

210
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:51,560
because I did everything.
I built myself up from nothing.

211
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:56,000
I went into that town at 22 not
knowing anyone.

212
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,760
And within three years I had the
city, Seattle, calling me

213
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,920
because Boeing did a private
launch of one of the brand new

214
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,760
planes.
I got to do that.

215
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:09,840
Like that is where I got to and
to lose it all it hurt and to

216
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,400
lose all those friends.
I was talking to a director

217
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,800
producer this earlier this week
and we were discussing like when

218
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,480
I was in LA and I wasn't even
anyone big in Lai was just

219
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,640
someone making a living, right?
But the minute I chose to step

220
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,800
back, all those people who had
thought were my friends for 18

221
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,480
years.
Just not your friends.

222
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:33,760
Yeah, well, I realized I had.
I'd only built people to support

223
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,800
my image of what I wasn't and
didn't build any friendships to

224
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,400
actually support me for what I
really was.

225
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,880
And what I was is just a
struggling human being that was

226
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,480
hiding everything because I was
afraid.

227
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,840
I was be honest just like
everyone else.

228
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,280
No matter what, you take away
all.

229
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,320
Of the anxiety and depression,
right, you're pushing.

230
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,080
Through Oh yes, and the only and
The thing is about in the way

231
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,280
I'm I still fought through
everything.

232
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,560
I tried to that last minute and
then when I ended up homeless

233
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,760
like that, that was tough
because my ex business partner

234
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,920
was my stalker and his attorney
kept calling my landlord and

235
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,920
because they knew I was behind
on rent and they kept saying why

236
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,600
are you renting to this guy?
Why are you renting this guy?

237
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,760
And finally that my landlord was
like, listen, you are behind on

238
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,560
rent.
He's like, you're a good dude.

239
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,280
But they won't stop calling me.
Like, will you leave?

240
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,760
And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, I
should just go.

241
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,280
And I didn't get any time.
I left that day.

242
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,440
Like I had a whole apartment
full of my whole life,

243
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,640
everything.
And it just all got thrown away

244
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:34,920
except for what I could carry my
dog, couple bags and a hamper.

245
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,000
And my friend Alex took me in
and I was a rotten mess.

246
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,280
And he showed me to the couch
where I was going to stay.

247
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,800
And then a week later he was
like, dude, you got to get the

248
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,720
fuck out.
And it was so left field.

249
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,360
But also I get it because I was
broken to the floor.

250
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,920
Like I didn't know what I was
going to do.

251
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,680
I had no money.
I realized no one want to talk

252
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,720
to me.
That journalist kept pushing out

253
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,600
all these stories.
He started telling people I was

254
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,960
a fugitive on the run and like
kept doing all of these things

255
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,640
so like no one would touch me
and no one wanted to hear my

256
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,560
story.
Yeah, I think people get like

257
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,640
lost in the image, right?
Like people get lost in the

258
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,720
image.
Here's a guy who's got it all,

259
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,480
who came from nothing, who keeps
building, who gets all this

260
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,960
attention.
Then there's envy in that.

261
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,800
And then you very much seem to
be a person who acts and then

262
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,360
thinks and then feels right,
where you're like, yes, I'm

263
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,560
going to do it instead of that.
And then, oh, I have to do this

264
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,360
shit.
I did it this way or, oops, that

265
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,960
worked or the connection isn't
what I thought.

266
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:35,720
And that's like the magic of you
and the crazy of your life,

267
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,320
right?
Like as a person who like

268
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:42,040
watches some of the things that
I've seen you go through, right?

269
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,840
It's like really hard for other
people to understand.

270
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,840
When I say I lost my home to a
fire and an earthquake.

271
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,720
And when I lost, I mean, I lost
everything.

272
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,400
I didn't have clothes.
There was no home.

273
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,880
There's no place to be.
There was no soft place to land,

274
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,400
none of that.
So when I hear you say you're

275
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,640
homeless, like, it like that
could make me cry.

276
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:04,400
It breaks my heart because the
feeling of I would always

277
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,240
describe it as home is not safe.
My home is not safe.

278
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,320
It can be taken away and where
do you root?

279
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,040
Where do you trust?
And then you have to trust

280
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,680
yourself.
But then you're hustling.

281
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:20,680
So it's like this wicked
sandstorm inside of like fear.

282
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:25,240
I think when I turn like 28 to
30, right?

283
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,840
The whole Saturn return, woo woo
stuff.

284
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,920
But that's why I was like, I
can't keep doing what I'm doing.

285
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,520
I'm becoming what I hate.
I'm making these choices that I

286
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,320
like because I want to prove to
people that I could do it

287
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,880
instead of just knowing I could
do it.

288
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,040
Why do I have to prove it to
you?

289
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,600
I always say that fuck you is a
fossil fuel.

290
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,320
It'll only get you so far.
It does still get me going

291
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,560
because someone kind of screwed
me over recently and I was like,

292
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,200
you'll see.
Do you know, like I'm like that

293
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:55,680
I won't actively go after it,
but I'm just like, you'll see,

294
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,200
karma is a big one and like it
will come back because you're

295
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,160
big fish, small pond and there's
no need to be rude, right?

296
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,000
There's just no need.
We can have a dialogue where

297
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,920
grown-ups don't always have to
get along and you can argue, but

298
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,800
you can like still move on from
that.

299
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:15,440
So I always think of you in this
like quicksand, like the total.

300
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,600
I'm a little older than you, the
80s, like, Oh no, The trope let

301
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,880
me suddenly throw him a rope and
pull him out of the quicksand.

302
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:29,880
And yet you still have this
unimaginable Dr. And then you're

303
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,040
insanely vulnerable.
I don't know how you share what

304
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,040
you share.
Do you plan it?

305
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,360
Is everything like spur the
moment for you?

306
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,120
I'm so curious about that.
Well, first it's, yeah, I just

307
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,320
turn on and turn on my phone and
just say whatever comes out.

308
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,000
And I'm not afraid of whatever
comes out because I had a time

309
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,360
in my life when no one wanted to
hear anything and I couldn't

310
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,920
even say anything.
Like I was so defeated and I was

311
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,920
so lost and confused and I was
also so fucking angry.

312
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,600
There's nothing that would have
came out coherent at all.

313
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:06,000
And now I have an opportunity
just to say things.

314
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,360
And it's not that I'm trying to
take.

315
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,640
Yeah, to own it.
Yeah, it's just, I'm just doing

316
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,280
what I feel like I want to do
and I just want to talk about

317
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:19,680
what I'm feeling and that is it.
And that's I don't know it.

318
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,640
It's I don't actually think
about what I do like with the

319
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,680
sharing.
Like, I can't tell you how many

320
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,240
people be like.
That's that's amazing to me.

321
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,160
That's amazing to me because
especially you've been so

322
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,840
betrayed.
So then you're like so

323
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,960
vulnerable online.
And you know, I see a lot of the

324
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,840
cotton, a lot of them are
supportive.

325
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,440
A lot of them are hungry and
that's the nicest way.

326
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,840
I'm like a girls pill up the
drool.

327
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,960
It amuses me to no end.
I couldn't imagine what that

328
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,880
energy coming towards me also
feels like.

329
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,560
So like for me, all the weird
things, I think when I look at

330
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,520
things, probably people think I
just stare at things like, but

331
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:03,000
I'm having like this existential
conversation with myself, like,

332
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,000
wow, you really put that out
there.

333
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,599
And do I want to know exactly
how you're feeling?

334
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,280
Like, how does that impact me?
But Oh my God, what must you be

335
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,640
going through to share that?
And then for just for you to be

336
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,720
vulnerable and someone be like,
come here, Zaddy.

337
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:19,960
You're just like, wait, that is
like that.

338
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,839
The that is a strange vibe to go
to when someone is upset or like

339
00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:28,160
when I think of everything I saw
after the accident and I was

340
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,000
like, why are you taking the
blame?

341
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,920
I was so mad.
But like, here I am a virtual

342
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:40,320
stranger and and as I can see
you ride the roller coaster of

343
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,720
mental Wellness.
Like for me, I'm always like,

344
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,080
hey, you doing OK?
That's kind of where I like to

345
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,200
chime in.
Like, hey, there's this strange

346
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,440
woman over here who's creative
too.

347
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,920
And I understand so much.
I don't and I don't understand

348
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,360
so much, but I see you
struggling.

349
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:01,120
Are you OK?
Because I also think many people

350
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,200
don't check in on the strong
one, the one who seems to be

351
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,440
processing because they think
they're handling it.

352
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,240
And you know, we have our really
bad days too.

353
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,440
But I withdraw like you won't
see me.

354
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,320
I'll just be like, do you ever
like withdraw or are you like

355
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:22,360
here and then gone?
Yeah, I withdraw a lot, but when

356
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:26,040
I'm struggling the most, like if
we look at the way I was posting

357
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:30,320
last year, I was hurting fucking
horribly.

358
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,360
Now I've withdrawn through
everyone in my life.

359
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480
But The thing is, I didn't treat
TikTok as anything.

360
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,800
I'll be honest, I didn't treat
anyone on TikTok as anything.

361
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,520
And that's not being bad.
It was a stupid app that I

362
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,280
didn't know anyone.
So to me there was no risk.

363
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,680
There is no need for reward.
It was just me saying something

364
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,600
that I needed to say that was
more than just me saying it to

365
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,560
myself in the mirror.
I need to say something that had

366
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,720
a little bit of vulnerability
where other people could hear it

367
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,320
because it made me realize what
I was saying.

368
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,880
It made me realize what I was
feeling.

369
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,720
Because if I'm only willing to
say the things privately, then

370
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,920
I'm not truly admitting to me
myself what the fuck is going

371
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,360
on.
And I thought for the longest

372
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,640
time I was dealing well with my
mental health.

373
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,680
Like I'm a three time suicide
survivor and during that time

374
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,440
last year my ex business partner
was coming to where the city I

375
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,240
was living.
He travelled thousands of miles

376
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,600
to harass him.
What is this deal?

377
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,880
Can I get this man in jail
already?

378
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,160
He.
Deserves to be in jail now.

379
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:35,200
I did report him to the FBI, but
it's the FBII did report him to

380
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,120
the attorney general.
They did look over everything in

381
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,440
a state.
They basically were like, talk

382
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,920
to the state police and let's
see what happens there.

383
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,480
But like, he deserves to be in
jail.

384
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,120
Just end the story.
You don't get to manipulate the

385
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,720
courts.
You don't get to harass someone.

386
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,600
I mean, he literally just sent
me a message last night just and

387
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,000
he likes to tell me, let me know
that he's watching my TikTok.

388
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,240
That's how creepy he is.
Can.

389
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,520
I block him on everything like.
He comes through my website, He

390
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,400
comes through my website.
And The thing is he comes

391
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,880
through my website using five
different emails that have my

392
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,800
name in it.
He will send me an e-mail using

393
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,680
my name, my e-mail, and then go
off on me and everything's about

394
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,680
I'm watching you.
You'll never get away.

395
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,480
And with a lot of his messages,
like one of them, I was talking

396
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,560
about how I didn't have a safe
space, so I created one for my

397
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,200
dog.
And you're just like, what are

398
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,160
you going to do when we get you
in jail and there's nowhere for

399
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,440
your dog?
What's your dog going to do?

400
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,320
And I was just like, who do you
have who has the time to think

401
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,360
about that besides a psychotic
person?

402
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,800
Dude, he's psychotic it.
Upsets me.

403
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,360
It really upsets me because
first of all, don't fuck with a

404
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,960
dog.
Second of all, like let it go.

405
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,320
Really like, like he can't
because his life is miserable,

406
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,280
because he's miserable.
But I think what it is is this.

407
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,600
That piece of shit threw
everything at me, not just

408
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,920
himself.
Coma 4 News is a major news

409
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,000
station in Seattle, the Wall
Street Journal, the NFL.

410
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,200
Like he threw everything at me.
He had all of my friends that

411
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,760
were my friends betray me.
He used a civil court system to

412
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,960
literally hunt and harass me.
He has my Social Security number

413
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,760
and my birthday because he got
that through the court system.

414
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:14,040
He literally did everything you
can illegally and legally and I

415
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,280
kept getting up.
Think about what that does to

416
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,240
someone.
Like he can't win and he knows

417
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,320
it.
He might have broken me, but I

418
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:25,760
keep beating him and he can't
fucking stand it because that

419
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,160
just shows you how weak he is.
That's The thing is no one

420
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,280
that's came at me has came at me
by themself.

421
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,000
They've all partnered up, teamed
up with him or a big

422
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,800
organization like the Wall
Street Journal, and that's how

423
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,520
they had to come at me and.
It breaks my heart because I

424
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,120
study journalism like back in
the day, and it used to be so

425
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,840
different.
It used to be like, you used to

426
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,720
have to interview people on both
sides.

427
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,680
You weren't selling
entertainment.

428
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,960
I think everything has become
monetized.

429
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,680
Everything's become
entertainment.

430
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:00,000
And so like, I find it
frustrating.

431
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,200
And then people who actually try
to do independent stuff, now

432
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,560
they're coming after them.
I was like, why is knowledge so

433
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,880
scary?
Like, why is like learning a

434
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,840
perspective that's not yours so
scary?

435
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:16,000
Why is just listening so scary?
Because every time I go out into

436
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,640
the world and you're always out
in the world, I actually find I

437
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,920
have so much more in common with
people, even when they don't

438
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,800
understand me.
The people who I don't click

439
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,000
with, that's just a whole other
thing.

440
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,040
Some people you get along with
and sometimes you're just like,

441
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,520
oh, hi, nice to meet you.
I'll just keep going my way.

442
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,200
But if I'm just going to keep
going my way, leave me alone.

443
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,480
Just leave me alone.
I think part of like why I

444
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,160
enjoyed traveling in Asia was
like, because the monoculture,

445
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,280
there were rules.
Now, whether the rules are all

446
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,200
good or bad, clearly up for
debate.

447
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:49,000
Nothing's all good, right?
But there was a be respectful,

448
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,480
be polite.
I don't know, wear clothes out

449
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,680
in public.
Just basic kind of things.

450
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,360
And every time I came back, I
would have the worst reverse

451
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,600
culture shock.
Yeah.

452
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,400
Just because decency doesn't
exist.

453
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,760
And like, really anymore?
Yeah, and I think it's just

454
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,360
because we're all stuck in the
same loop.

455
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:13,040
Like we're all being told that
the dream is in front of us, but

456
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,520
we can't see it because we're
too busy checking something on

457
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,680
the phone.
And we no longer connect with

458
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,080
people because we can Only
Connect with them through the

459
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,320
phone.
You can minimize someone's whole

460
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,880
life through zeros and ones and
that's what's happened like.

461
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,000
Yeah, and go outside, people.
Go do a thing.

462
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:36,320
So you are the king of
reinvention and your stamina.

463
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,280
I want to know what vitamins you
take honestly.

464
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,320
Like, I know you're a big.
Gym that's crazy I get

465
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:46,040
everything from fruit and eggs
and hamburger and that is it and

466
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,320
Donuts and can cookies.
You're like, I'm like, I'm a

467
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,320
cookie girl person.
Like if you have warm chocolate

468
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,400
chip cookie or fresh break baked
bread.

469
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,440
Oh yeah, forget it.
That's those are my 2 downfalls.

470
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,640
OK, so you did fashion, you
conquered it and walked away one

471
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,480
way or another.
Then you took on this whole

472
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,960
other.
You started IT, then fashion and

473
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,400
now what is this evolution that
you're in the process of now?

474
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,560
Because you're changing it up
and I know it's in the process.

475
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,920
So I don't know if you're like
me and you go poo poo poo but I

476
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,920
don't want to talk about it
because I don't want to jinx it.

477
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:23,480
But I'm like so curious because
I want people to no this

478
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,120
creative part of you, which is
what I recognize every time I

479
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,720
look at you.
Yeah, I'm not ready to talk

480
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,680
about it yet, but.
OK.

481
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,400
It all makes sense.
Like what I am building makes

482
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,080
absolute sense for everything I
went through.

483
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,280
And it makes sense because also
I recognize what's a big problem

484
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,200
that's happening with people
through TikTok.

485
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:51,440
And you know, I'm still having
opportunity for fashion.

486
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,080
It's there.
It's going to be built in.

487
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,120
But again, fashion wasn't ever
my thing.

488
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,200
It wasn't the thing.
I woke up and said I love

489
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,400
fashion, even though, again,
like, people always surprised by

490
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,920
that.
But like I, I took that up.

491
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,480
When I see pictures of you then
your energy, your eye,

492
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,560
everything is so different.
I'm glad I'm not the messed up

493
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,040
girl I was in my 20s either.
But your eyes are so different

494
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,960
now, right?
Like you, you like, it's, it's

495
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:24,480
like one of the things that you
can do is even when you might be

496
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,720
talking into the world so you
can hear yourself, there's an

497
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,160
honesty in your eyes and a
vulnerability even when you're

498
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,680
tempting all those other people.
Because you know, my TikTok is a

499
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,520
micro account because I want to
talk to about K dramas with

500
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,480
people who like my family's like
shut up about the C drama, the K

501
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,840
drama.
I'm like, but look, look at this

502
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,200
history.
How do I unplug from the world?

503
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,240
So I've never gone to try to
make that anything.

504
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,440
And then I also had a comic.
She's like, you want to be like

505
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,040
Instagram famous Hollier want to
make millions because I'm not

506
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,320
Instagram famous, but I own 4
houses.

507
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,320
I'm like, yes, yes, I like that
attitude.

508
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,480
That attitude works for me.
So she's very cut and dry.

509
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,880
I can't mess with her.
But you do it all.

510
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,040
You do both.
It's just fascinating.

511
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,400
Like everyone, are you following
him yet?

512
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,320
Have you like paused the podcast
and gone?

513
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,160
Where is Andrew?
Here, I'll put the links there.

514
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,360
You don't have to work that hard
if you're not already a fan, but

515
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,360
it I think actually your
vulnerability is one of your

516
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,360
creative gifts.
Thank you I.

517
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,440
I know you weren't expecting
that, weren't you?

518
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,320
You weren't expecting that.
I just I see the flabbergasted

519
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:33,640
on your face suddenly.
Again, like I I don't have

520
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,000
anything special I do.
I just, I feel something and I

521
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,760
say it and it's literally just
because I still know what it's

522
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,320
like when I had nothing to say
and no one wanted to hear me say

523
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,120
anything.
And it's not that I'm trying to

524
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:46,280
wake up and not take it for
granted.

525
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,280
I just now know that I am
allowed to say whatever I want

526
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:56,040
to feel and I say it and I have
emotions from 100 years ago to

527
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,640
emotions from yesterday.
And I don't know which one's

528
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,600
going to wake me up and say, say
this out loud.

529
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,440
And I just whichever one it is,
I say it.

530
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,560
And sometimes they're funny,
Sometimes it's really dark,

531
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,400
sometimes it's.
Sometimes they're really funny.

532
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,120
They're really.
Dark.

533
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,680
My humor is just been my thing,
but my humor is built off of

534
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,320
insecurity and it's a weird
thing that's that just kind of

535
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,200
stuck with me.
But I do feel lucky in that I

536
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,040
can express everything that's in
my heart.

537
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:23,760
I can express everything that's
in my head.

538
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,480
I can express everything that I
hate and everything that I love.

539
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,560
And words come out, they just
flow out and I can't explain it.

540
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,200
They just do.
And I feel very.

541
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,480
Fortunate.
That's a divine gift.

542
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,480
I also have read your writing,
by the way.

543
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,680
You're really good at that, and
I'm picky.

544
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,200
You just have the ability to
kind of go there and be real,

545
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,320
and you're not talking down to
anyone.

546
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,640
And again, you address all these
same things in your writing and

547
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,280
you don't come off bitter in the
writing, right?

548
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:53,800
It's it's pretty.
That's hard.

549
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,360
Well, I mean.
Like to be able to have that

550
00:27:56,360 --> 00:28:01,080
distance to share a really hard
story and many of them of all

551
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,680
that loss and then whatever.
So are you in contact with your

552
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,680
adopted family at all?
Are they supportive or are they

553
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,440
just people that you know?
Yeah, I talked to them recently.

554
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,400
I needed help with my birth
certificate, and I hadn't talked

555
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,480
to him a long time.
And I reached out to my dad.

556
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,880
They're concerned.
They're like, are you OK?

557
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,560
And I was like, she got crazy in
Europe, but it's me.

558
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:26,120
And he was like, yeah.
And I was straight up with him.

559
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,480
I'm like, listen, I don't know
what I want from you.

560
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,040
I don't know if I want anything.
I was like, we tried.

561
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,800
I'm not a great son.
I'm just not.

562
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,800
I was like, and it's not that
you're not a great daddy.

563
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,520
We couldn't connect in the way I
wished.

564
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,840
And we tried.
I was like, but I need to go

565
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,760
find myself.
And if I keep trying to figure

566
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,960
out how to attach back, I will
never be able to focus here.

567
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,720
And I don't know what it is, but
there's a part of me that

568
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,200
believes that I was always
supposed to be in Europe

569
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,040
travelling to find myself.
I've dreamt about it since I was

570
00:28:55,040 --> 00:29:00,960
a kid and I'm here and I'm one
of those people.

571
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,360
And this is what really
irritates so many people, is

572
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:08,440
that when I have left, I'm done.
I'm done.

573
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,920
Because The thing is, and this
is the part that people don't

574
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,240
understand, most people I've met
in my life, I met them during a

575
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,400
phase in my life.
And that early part of that

576
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,000
Phase I was a completely
different person than where I am

577
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,480
now or when I left because I had
to grow.

578
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,480
Now I give everyone that really
wants it or deserves it the

579
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,440
opportunity to stay with me, but
most of them can't accept the

580
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,680
new version of me because they
want the older version of me

581
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,120
that was weak and broken and
needed them and did a lot for

582
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,760
them.
And this is the harsh reality.

583
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,960
Do you have like a calling to
bring some people together in

584
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,000
any sort of way?
And like, would you ever do like

585
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:50,280
charity work again or like how
are you also taking care of your

586
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,280
mental health on this bumpy
journey?

587
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,000
Like literally how are you?
Because like you share a lot,

588
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,400
but I don't know if you want to
share.

589
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,760
Like how do you, I don't know,
soothe and heal?

590
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:07,880
So every day is still a struggle
100%.

591
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:13,360
And the struggle is, am I safe?
Am I working hard enough?

592
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,000
What am I doing?
Like those are repeating

593
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,960
thoughts.
And you know, most people only

594
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,840
get to see me for about a minute
every day.

595
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,920
And what they forget is that
there's 23 hours and 59 other

596
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:31,840
minutes in that day.
And I, I have my moments and

597
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,720
cycles just like everyone else.
But one thing I'm very good at

598
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,080
is compartmentalizing those
cycles or clearing out those

599
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,760
cycles.
I don't know which one it is.

600
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,720
Often it's just something will
pop up and I'm like what the

601
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,080
fuck am I feeling?
If it's anger I've just learned

602
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,200
to just let it in.
I'm really good with my anger

603
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:54,000
and if it's hatred I that is
something I'm trying to work on

604
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,120
to let go of.
If it's sadness, then that is a

605
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:02,520
hard 1 for me.
If it's anxiety, I struggle with

606
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,040
anxiety still.
The anxiety is more of

607
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:10,040
something's about to go wrong
type of anxiety and that pops

608
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:14,120
off a lot when I'm building.
It pops up a lot every time

609
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,560
someone says something.
It pops up a lot when I meet a

610
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,440
new relationship or friendship
because my vault, I have this

611
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,560
knee jerk reaction like, oh,
they're going to find something

612
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,480
about my past and they're going
to either call my stalker or

613
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,760
they're going to be like, you're
not good enough.

614
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,400
What feels like it's happening
to you that's so crazy.

615
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,440
But something in there is just
part of what I have to deal with

616
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,920
throughout the day.
And The thing is, I'm OK with it

617
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,840
because I'm also not in a place
where I can fully dedicate time

618
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,480
to heal.
It's the wrong fucking time I

619
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,560
have to build if I spent on.
And I actually, I told this to a

620
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,480
friend, there's a fork in this
road and I had the fork in my

621
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:54,120
Rd. about three months ago and
my options were one or two.

622
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:58,040
I could heal, spend the rest of
my life healing and I'd be no

623
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:02,080
one that'd be forgotten because
I would disappear, but I would

624
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:07,720
heal completely.
Or to build a new life, but all

625
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,160
of my energy has to go into that
life, which means everything

626
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,600
that I'm carrying, I have to
continue to carry, but I can't

627
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,840
touch.
Which means I'm kicking my

628
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:19,040
healing down the road.
But I'm building something for

629
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,880
me down the road.
And it's there.

630
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,720
I'll have a place to sit.
It's there I'll place to sleep.

631
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,600
It's there.
I'll truly have a foundation

632
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,920
because I don't have it right
now.

633
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,160
But with there, I will never be
fully healed.

634
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,080
Never.
Because I cannot commit all the

635
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,760
energy I need to because I am a
builder.

636
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,920
If I go down this road, the
thing I have to accept right now

637
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,920
is that my option to heal
completely, the thing that I've

638
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,600
always said I've wanted to do
will never happen.

639
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,280
But I'll be successful.
I'll be rich, I'll be popular,

640
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,120
famous, I'll be all of the
things I fucking want.

641
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:58,960
And I had to make a choice.
And I stood on that thought for

642
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,600
a couple weeks because I'm not
kidding you, I had the

643
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:06,720
opportunity to just leave
completely, go quiet.

644
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,240
I was starting to heal in a way
that I never had before.

645
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,360
I was feeling emotions I'd never
felt.

646
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,600
I could understood completely
what it was.

647
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:20,920
And I was, I was like, I could
finally breathe if I just keep

648
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,600
going this path.
And then, not gonna lie, I

649
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,600
thought of everything I've been
through.

650
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,480
I thought of the younger version
of me that all he ever wanted

651
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:36,040
was to be the coolest
motherfucker on earth, to drive

652
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,880
fast cars, be surrounded by
women, to eat great food.

653
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,920
And I know to a lot of people,
that just sounds stereotypically

654
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,400
just stupid and arrogant and
dumb.

655
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:50,000
But as a kid, that is how I
dreamt my way out of my

656
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,760
problems, out of my
insecurities, out of the place

657
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:57,200
where I just felt trapped.
I am very much that kid, no

658
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,760
matter how old I get.
And I kept thinking, That kid

659
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,280
got me through to here.
Every fucking year.

660
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,640
That kid got me through to here.
Why would it abandon him now?

661
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:08,120
So that was my thought.
I.

662
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,159
Told you you had a little boy in
you.

663
00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:12,360
I told you that's.
Why he's always older.

664
00:34:13,159 --> 00:34:16,120
I'm as a healer, as a person
who's worked with people for 10

665
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:17,840
years.
I'm going to throw a new option

666
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,120
now because what you're doing is
what I called the reach back.

667
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,520
So I've become work with people
for like a few months, take it

668
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,320
or leave it.
Like this is like a no pressure

669
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:27,719
thing.
This is just like I'll plant a

670
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:29,880
seed of an idea.
You keep doing what you're doing

671
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,480
because I don't want you to
change it because you don't want

672
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,560
to change it.
So you do, do you?

673
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,840
But at some point you don't have
to like give up everything for

674
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,239
the healing.
You might just have to give it a

675
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:44,800
little space, just like how you
make space for anger, just like

676
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,920
how you make space for sleep and
sex and fun and not fun and

677
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,880
seven, like all the good things,
right?

678
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,560
But when I work with someone and
they move ahead and when they

679
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:59,120
finally feel the anxiety leaving
them and then they don't know

680
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,840
what to fill all that space
with.

681
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:06,000
Because surrender to
peacefulness is unnerving,

682
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,600
especially if you, your nervous
sister has always been wired for

683
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,000
chaos.
So what they do is they reach

684
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,320
back out for some chaos and they
pull it back in and then like

685
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,080
recalibrate again.
It's like not an overnight

686
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:20,640
thing.
And Lord knows, I probably have

687
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,560
my own struggle.
That's why I can talk about it,

688
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,160
right?
Like I have my own things that

689
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,320
way.
But I feel that you can have all

690
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,240
the success that you want, but
you can reshape it without the

691
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:33,040
toxic quality.
And I would offer that, and I

692
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:37,040
hope that happens for you.
I want you to forget me and be

693
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,080
so fucking big and be like, I
want time to this favor for this

694
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:41,920
chick.
But because you're thriving and

695
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:46,640
you're happy and you feel whole,
not from a place of chasing a

696
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,040
dream that maybe you can dream
better now.

697
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,720
I don't know.
I want you to be safe.

698
00:35:51,720 --> 00:35:56,400
I want home to be safe for you
because I've made mine pretty

699
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,000
safe for me.
Now other people would be really

700
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,640
uncomfortable because in my home
we're really honest because I

701
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,800
can't stand liars.
So if you come visit, you'll

702
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,000
hear conversations will be like,
do you all talk to each other

703
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:07,800
that way?
Yes.

704
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,320
I would just rather know that
you can't see on my face right

705
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,120
now than something else.
I don't know, that's just all

706
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,840
together different.
But now I'm thinking, I can't

707
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:23,000
wait to see what you grow like.
You're making this wild garden.

708
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,320
I don't know how to explain like
what I see when I look at you

709
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:26,360
now.
I mean, if you.

710
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:30,120
Think about it like this was my
biggest challenge ever.

711
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,480
All the shit I went through,
this was my biggest one.

712
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,920
I came to Europe, to France to
help someone and.

713
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,160
When?
I found out what she was doing

714
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:44,040
like conversing with my stalker
and when I found out that the

715
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,720
only way she was going to help
me with my visa was to marry her

716
00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,720
I was like none of this is what
we talked about and when those.

717
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,920
Eyes, Andrew, Those eyes, I tell
you, they get and.

718
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,960
The thing is when I left, she
called the police on me to

719
00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,880
arrest me.
Like I had to leave with

720
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,000
nothing, absolutely nothing but
more fear.

721
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,440
And if it wasn't from some
strangers from TikTok, a couple

722
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:12,320
French grandmas, I wouldn't had
had the time to actually get my

723
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,040
bearings right.
Because I'm not going to lie,

724
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,120
they pushed me to suicide.
I have saved every message,

725
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,720
everything that they did.
I watched them try to dismantle

726
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:24,760
me and this is the owner of the
RV with the woman that was in

727
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:29,200
the RV with my stalker and
people from Seattle like it was

728
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:30,880
discussing what they fucking
did.

729
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,320
But I had to live through that,
lived through it after I just

730
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,560
had the police called me after I
had didn't even take any time to

731
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,280
heal for myself.
And now I'm in a stranger's home

732
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,480
wondering what am I doing?
And every day they just kept

733
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,840
putting pressure on me, pressure
on me, pressure on me.

734
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,040
And I remember there's a point I
almost broke.

735
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,120
I was almost like, this is it.
I got, I'm done, I'm done.

736
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,840
And I busted through that.
And then I got to Paris with

737
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,000
just with another French
grandma.

738
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:01,560
But then I realized I needed a
visa and I didn't know how I was

739
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,880
going to be able to stay.
So I figured out not just my

740
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:06,520
visa, I figured out how to get
there.

741
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,560
I figured out how to afford.
Now I was very fortunate with a

742
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,120
GoFundMe.
I just enough money to get me

743
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,840
there.
But I got my visa approved, I

744
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,240
got my residency approved, I got
my residence card, I got my

745
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:20,160
business started.
I made a few friends, I got a

746
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,840
home.
I mean, that's the thing.

747
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:24,880
If I I've made all of this shit
happen.

748
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:29,680
Now granted, it is with people
that honestly just stepped up

749
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:33,040
for me that amazing in spite of
all of that.

750
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,160
But what?
One day people will fully know

751
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,760
everyone and everything I had to
go through and everything just

752
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,640
to get here.
And holy shit, imagine doing

753
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,080
that in a country you don't know
anything.

754
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,000
And it's not like in the US
where I could just stay.

755
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:53,600
I was working against the clock,
like there was so much shit that

756
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,200
just could have gone wrong and
they're so many nice.

757
00:38:55,240 --> 00:38:57,440
I was just.
You see that as your superpower.

758
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,560
You just have that superpower of
I hope you don't have to start

759
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,120
over too many more times in your
life.

760
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,320
And if you choose to, it's
because you want your garden

761
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,840
bigger, not because you lose it,
but you have that strength of,

762
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,360
of doing it like that.
I think that people forget.

763
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,960
People forget that like our
grandparents or whatever had

764
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,320
nothing and started and we're
all so fucking spoiled now.

765
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:26,520
We're all so spoiled and it but
it's like, it's worth the work.

766
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,760
It's worth it.
It's going to be so good.

767
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,640
I mean, The thing is I'm great
at hunkering down like I'm great

768
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,120
at sacrifice.
Like I have a friend here and

769
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,840
she got very upset at me because
I was having dinner at her place

770
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,520
and we're and she cooked a great
meal.

771
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:47,280
And I saw her a couple days
later and she saw my TikTok and

772
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,600
she was just like, what are you?
Are you eating every other day?

773
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,080
And I'm like, yeah, I need to
save money.

774
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,280
I was like, I'm building my
business and she goes, but you

775
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,840
were just at my home and she
said, why didn't you ask for

776
00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,160
more food?
I was like, listen, I was

777
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,480
starving and you fed me.
I got enough there to ask for

778
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,480
more would be me taking
advantage of the situation and

779
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,200
I'm not going to do that.
I was like, I'm OK with

780
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,800
sacrifice and I'd already got it
into my brain and I already got

781
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,800
into practice that I was going
to eat every other day, one meal

782
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,480
and my dog was going to eat.
And the money that I needed was

783
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,960
to save up for a place to save
up for my business, like do all

784
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,880
the things I needed to do.
I can do all of that because

785
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,120
I've been through all of that.
If I've been through the worst

786
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,240
and I will literally look at
every new challenge that comes

787
00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:31,240
at me and I will be like, all
right, this is going to cost me

788
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,840
a little bit of skin.
This is going to cost me a

789
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,640
little bit of time.
This cost me a lot of fucking

790
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:40,240
heartache, but I'm willing to do
it and I just do it and it may

791
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,720
be my greatest.
Power I need, I think we need to

792
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,960
like make you a Cape.
I think I need some sort of

793
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,280
banner just for as a reminder
for you as you have your highs

794
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,400
and lows.
Yeah.

795
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,600
So I usually ask everyone I wrap
up the interviews with what is

796
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,880
your warning label?
But do you need a warning label?

797
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,200
Like do we do we need to reframe
that for you?

798
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:04,120
Like what do you think?
Oh God yeah, my warning label is

799
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,680
I will scare the fucking shit
out of you but you'll fucking

800
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:11,160
love it and you will decide
later if you hate me or love me,

801
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,760
but that will flip flop a
billion times before you finally

802
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:18,200
decide that's the warning label.
You know, I could totally see

803
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,600
that that's like a long one
that's fine print.

804
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,960
I definitely need my bifocals
for that, but I I love it.

805
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,960
I like that you know yourself
this well.

806
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,760
I love that you're willing to
always be open and vulnerable

807
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:36,080
and share even when it's anger
or fear or vulnerability.

808
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,440
The in the expressions, in your
eyes.

809
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,240
I'll just watch.
I don't know that I can do that.

810
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,320
But maybe one day, I don't know,
we'll see.

811
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,280
But so where do you want people
to come find you?

812
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,360
This is be here in the summer.
This is coming out July, August.

813
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,000
Do you want them to go to your
website or follow you somewhere?

814
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,480
Where would you like people to
come?

815
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:59,920
I'm on tech shock every day.
Seven of Andrew all spelled out.

816
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:04,440
My website is also my TikTok but
Andrew jang.com.

817
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:06,360
I don't update it but maybe I
will.

818
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,600
I am thinking about doing some
YouTube videos.

819
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:12,120
I haven't decided that yet.
I'm on Instagram 7 of Andrew as

820
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,120
well but I might do something
there.

821
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,320
I don't know yet.
They keep bugging me to start

822
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:18,760
posting some reels.
I'm sure.

823
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,120
Well, thank you everyone for
coming to the Holly Hughes

824
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,760
Podcast, where this is
definitely a life outside the

825
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,640
box and we'll see you next time.