High Voltage Soul Igniter: Sam Howarth and Phoenyx Talk the Nature of Creativity, the Illusion of Safety and Human Design

0:05 Welcome to the Holly Hughes podcast, where I keep saying creative people come to discuss what it is to live a life outside of the lines, outside of the box. But today we're going there. I haven't really introduced my intuitive Out loud yet on my podcast, but with my guest today, we're going there. We're really, really, really going there. So I am going to do a really brief interview, I mean, introduction to Samantha Howarth in Phoenix. But I want you to hear their own voices, especially if you're listening over a podcast or Apple, Spotify or Apple podcast, so you can start to distinguish their voices. But these two women who I've seen online and talked to really intimately are the reason why I got brave enough to stand up and actually start my podcast.

1:01 It's been five years of people asking me to do this, five years of me running. But when 2025 came on my big board on the wall, it says to myself this is the year of being seen as I've always been behind the scenes and I've claimed my voice as a byline, as a word. So because of both of you, I am out here in a whole new way. So thank you for joining me. So let's talk start with Sam. I'm just going to call her Sam because that's who she is. She's the founder of The Way She's Made and she blends human design and astrology into women's cycles to help women be empowered.

1:48 And I don't want to say marketing and packaging. I don't even really know what is coming because I actually know you're changing everything right now. And when this podcast comes out, it's going to be something else. But thank you for coming. And my dear friend Phoenix here. She is a multi dimensional artist, an intuitive creative and my favorite part, a ritual Baker. So thank you both for coming. Yay. So I I want to like throw it out to Sam. So you explain how we all met. OK, well, so we initially met just because I had a thought and I was like, you know, I really want to create a space that is everything off the table, bring the woo woo women together. Let's just talk about everything from human design, spirituality, what's going on in our life?

2:38 What intuitive downloads are you getting? So I had a poll to just throw it out there and say, hey, if I created the space, would any women be interested in joining me? And I had like, I don't know, 40-50 people within the first like couple of hours say, yes, I'm in and sign up for this. And each month I've created it. It's called the Soul Sync. Well, my membership is now the Soul Sync Society. But the Soul Sync sessions are just live free conversations. We meet on Zoom. We've had everyone from like two or three people up to like 10 people. And it's just a mix of everybody from across the globe coming together and these women just having these amazing conversations. So that's why I met Phoenix initially over threads.

3:18 I think I'm like, like the first post that I put out there and she came to my first session and then I met Holly a couple sessions later when I did that a couple months ago. So that's how we kind of all came together. And it was through one of those conversations where we were like, Holly, this needs to happen. And so here we are. And Phoenix put me on blast. I just blasted my ass. So what I really liked about those conversations because I was in a place of loneliness, right? Like, I was just, like, looking for woo woo without the flake. I was looking for people who live it, work it. Yeah. So there's plenty of, like, healers out there or people who help who are very charismatic. It's those people I'm often more worried about, honestly, because the people who have gifts tend not to blast it. Yeah, right.

4:08 It's something that we hold sacred. It's it's something that is very integral into our like being and our soul and our purpose. And I mean, that requires a bit of privacy for me and protection. I mean, like, that's how I come at it. What about you 2? How how about you? What do you think about that? Yeah, that resonates. I think it's, I think it's, I love that you use the word integral because that's what comes up for me. It's like an integral part of our journey of remembering and realigning with our psychic nature to be protective and sort of go into the proverbial cave to reacquaint ourselves with safety and without being perceived all the time.

4:50 Because being being a psychic neurodivergent human is a lot. And then being perceived on top of that is like it's a whole dysregulating process if you haven't been given the container from childhood. So I think that's a part of the process is just being in your hermit, being in your cave, being almost in the void space. And then when you're like rooted and you've got your armor and you feel so sure of the pillar that you are, then you can go out into the world and you're like, yeah, I need my time to cleanse and come back to self. But I'm much more able to be fully visible and be like 110% out loud. Yeah, when you say cave, I just see Mary Magdalene in her cave. With all of us in our red caves. I mean, my hands are sweating. This is so fun.

5:31 So I know that you, Phoenix, talk about having your gifts since you were young and getting them from your grandmother. I'd love to know, like when you figured out you were different because I had all my gifts too, but I didn't know. Like how would I know that my normal isn't your normal? So how did that happen for you? It actually took quite a long time. So just for a clarification for the audience, my grandmother transitioned when I was 2, and that's when she gave me all the gifts that she wasn't able to fully actualize in her experience. But it wasn't until I was, I would say, around 26 years old that I started to realize, oh, my experience of being human is different than other people's experience of being human.

6:16 And it was through going to like, yoga classes or meditation circles and starting to have conversations and realizing other people were trying to figure out how to close their energy field and how to, like, separate their energy and their emotions from other people's energies. And I was like, hold on, wait a minute. What? No, like this. I was just like, this is just what it means to be human, right? Like I never had a thought. Like, I'll, I'll be honest, there was always a part of me that was like, I know I'm special. And I think we all have that to a degree. But there was a part of me that's like, I don't know, I feel pretty singular out here. Like I'm not resonating with a lot of these other people, but it was, it was starting to have those conversations where I was like, oh, where this specific small group of people is having a very singular experience compared to the rest of the collective.

7:05 Something's going on here. And then that's when the rabbit hole sort of opened and swallowed me up and I was like, oh, oh, it goes quite deep. Never mind. That's fascinating. So Sam lives in a very haunted place. I would like to say this because she's in Savannah. So like how my brain is connecting the dots between what you just said is like, when I was young, my grandfather, I think, had antiques. And I had an antique chair in my bedroom as a child. And in the back of the chair there was like a rose carved into it and it always changed faces at night and stared at me and scared the shit out of me honestly. So I pile all my clothes on it and until the chair would fall, which would then also what scare the shit out of me.

7:49 So like so I had the ability to like see things, but and I didn't tell anyone because I was so afraid. And then I had my own. I think everyone else calls them imaginary friends, but it wasn't. It was a voice that spoke to me every night to help me through my fear and then also say goodbye to me. And like, so that was my normal. What about you, Sam? Did you have any kind of experience like that? Because you're a human design expert, and I'm wondering if your human design leaves space for that. Yeah, so even in my astrology, like I have the Cancer moon and I'm a Capricorn sun. So the depth for me and like going back to the, the conversation about integrity and authenticity is like a core thing for me.

8:36 And I I feel like for me, so one of the my actual core gift in human design is inner knowing. So it comes up for me of like, I just know things. And I think it's similar for me where like I've always just kind of known things or I've intuitively known those things. But for me, I kind of suppressed them throughout my life and I didn't realize how I was suppressing them until I suffered from adrenal fatigue. Well, so I kind of suppressed everything my, my whole life. I'm just going to start from there. I suppressed everything and wasn't realizing it until it kind of started to break my body down and I really put myself out there when I started to do wedding planning.

9:16 And as an empath and somebody who picks up energy, that was really bad move because I was picking up all of this dress and kind of surprised I was dead for like a week after a wedding. So I was like, what is happening to me? And once I started to shift into that holistic journey of healing my body, it started to reconnect all the dots and I started to go down the rabbit hole, as Phoenix said, like deep, deep, deep of like, oh, there's energy healing and there's all of these different components to us. And if I'm suppressing that, my body's picking up on all these energies and these emotions and that inner knowing and that guidance is, and then like, you know, the voices and the downloads and stuff like that. If I read a human design chart, like the downloads that I get and the connecting pieces, it's wild to me that I can just sit there and like have a conversation and I'm like, oh, I know exactly to where you need to go because I just heard it and people are like, what? Like how did that happen?

10:09 So it's not until I went out on that journey, probably in the past like 3 or 4 years, that I've really started to connect all the pieces and understand like, oh, that's what this is. Yeah, you both seem to have gone through massive shifts, like Saturn Return. Like Saturn Return hit me a bit different. Like I did the starter marriage divorce thing for my Saturn return and I decided that I couldn't be or work like my dad. It was like a like my continuous daddy issues, my onion in this life. But for me it was, it was more about that and learning. I matter and I could say, no, that was like, not that I was good at it and not that I wasn't neurotic still, but like that, that was it for me like that. I can't.

10:58 What I used to think my superpower was is I could survive it. I could survive that. I know how to manage that. I could survive that, I could put up with that, I could put up with that. I know how to deal with that. I could put up with it. But I just was shoving everything until it exploded. And then I was like, oh, maybe not. Maybe I have to kind of do it different. And I'm a big believer that as we climb the ladder of life, if we skip a rung or two, God's like, Nah, babe, go back. You need to go back and hit that one back up. So you guys are younger than me. So the Saturn return effect is newer and right now while we're recording is this wicked awesome Mercury retrograde. And it has been a fascinating, what's the word vibration? I'll just use a vibration for me because all of my own fears about again stepping out and being seen, that voice is here. And I was like, Nah, Nah, bitch, shut up. Like stop, just stop, Which is like fascinating that you never outgrow it.

12:06 But I think also when you don't hit these places of difficulty, even though we hate them, there's no getting better. How about how is that work for you to like, you know, like with Phoenix, you have both your art and your gifts and we didn't actually touch on that. You, you do shadow work. So when I first saw you and I could energetically see that, I was like, no man, I don't go there. And you're like, why not, right? Just like that, Like that face, Just let that face right there. Well, you can try to hide from it and I'll tell you what I see. But I like your beautifully confrontational directness is I love that.

12:48 Like I will take that kind of communication all day long. So how does like Mercury retrograde and all of that and neurodivergence, like how do you, what does that feel like? Oh wow, in a minute. That's a big question. First I want to say that I have Mercury in retrograde on the inmate birth chart. So this is like, I don't want to say natural energy for me, but it feels more familiar than when Mercury is direct, which I think is a little bit of an asset. So I'll take that. Thanks. And I also have Virgo in Mercury and my son is in is in Virgo.

13:31 So it me and Mercury are like, we're just homies, you know? And so I think that's also where my communication style kind of comes from. It's like very direct. And I actually had someone say something to me recently, which I love and I think I'm still integrating. But he said, whoa, you're like, you're like the communal acid, like any sort of truths that are hiding under the surface, you just bring them right out. So everyone has to look at them and I. Just thought that was that is you. That's the quote of it. That is you. Thank you. I love it. I think it's great, but there's a lot of pieces that are surfacing for me right now. So like for one, I want to tie in the web where Sam is a Capricorn son, I have a Capricorn stallion, Sam is a Cancer moon, I'm Cancer rising. So we have like a lot of parallels in our ability to feel everything, but also our ability to root deeply into the physical realm because we're so earthly connected. So I think that combination comes through and how I communicate.

14:31 I also have an Aries moon in Western astrology. And So what comes up for me internally is when I go into a space where I'm talking to anyone, I feel everything, like everything. Like, I feel all your joys and all your greatest grievances, all your fears and your doubts, all your desires and your wants. And my Virgo is very eloquently organizing everything. She's like, la, la, la, this is here. OK. And then my Aries moon is like, hold up, I just saw you limit yourself. I just saw you pull some bullshit. That's where you need to be bold and you're deciding to hide behind a wall. I think that's the voice you used when you yelled at me. I. Don't know that I would say I yelled. No, no, it's good.

15:14 I need. I have no problem with that. Like my husband, like when my mother comes to visit my home, she can't understand how my husband and I communicate because we're super direct. We don't like even when I say I love you, I'm pretty direct. Like I don't have to smush it, wrap it and bubble wrap. And I mean, flowers are lovely, but I want to just just tell me just I want to know what's up. So you guys are all in this grounded. I'm an Aquarian with a Cancer rising and a moon in Pisces. I know. So we're this a beautiful like balance right now. Maybe that's why I'm like sweating so much. That's maybe why you make me feel so dizzy. Like, I'm like, all morning, I've been like, wee, I don't feel my body.

15:58 Yay. Let's not bump into anything. I tried to ground it. They weren't having it. They were not having it at all. And I've got lots of grounding on me, too. And it's like, Nah, man, just go with it. So, wow. All right, Sam, you are in the middle of starting over again, right? Of transitioning, elevating like you're just just like how I actually see it is like discarding old packing tape. Yeah, yeah, I've done it a couple of times and I feel like there was a little bit and a little bit, and then this one I was just like, OK, all of that's done. Like all of these pieces that were fragmented, that were whatever leftover, I just left a relationship. He was a Leo, same way my mom was. And I know Phoenix has called me out on this in a shadow work session where my soul kind of picked these people to basically put me in the the roles of forcing me to accept myself on the deepest level and to confident, confidently go forward and own all of what I am and to kind of show that to the world.

17:02 And I had never done that before. I was always just kind of the same way that Hollywood's are like people pleasing. And I don't, I did not realize it until probably the last six months of how much I was just holding on to some of these other things because it felt safe, no matter how unstable it was or whatever. Cuz that was familiar to me. Like those feelings were feelings that I felt in childhood, things that were said to me as a child that was just like, OK, whatever. And it just kind of like layered on. And that was what was normal to me. And then all of a sudden I just woke up and I was like, no, that's not normal. Like I deserve to be happy and I deserve to own everything that I'm doing. And so I had that transition. I moved a little under a month ago and so I'm in my nice new place now and I just kept hearing this voice of like the things were not lining up because I was making my dream too small.

17:51 So I have this big vision of having a homestead and all this stuff and I was basically kind of narrowing it down to be what's logical and realistic. So that's the balance that I've been fighting for the past couple of years through my awakening is what is logical and where am I holding myself back because of logic versus what can the universe give me because it's not on a budget. So I kind of started to lean into more of the woo woo of like, OK, the universe, let's see how good it can get. And I like instead of getting a little tiny townhouse, this place fell into my lap and it's basically like a mini farm. Like I have fruit trees in the back. It's like these this huge lot fully fenced. I could bring all my dogs. Like it's this amazing space. I just feel like my soul has been here before. Like I feel like I could be creative again. And that space has been opening up and in my corporate life after like I graduated with a graphic design degree, did all that stuff, did the corporate life and I was like, no, I don't want to sit in an office with no windows all day. Like I need something more that this is not actually living creatively.

18:51 This is the logic talking. So I quit that job, did the wedding planning. We know how that went. Now I have started my own business and through that journey built the business that I'm in now. So there's been so many different transitions of like starting over. And I feel like each time I've reclaimed more and more of me. And now I'm in a place where I literally put up a post a couple date like 2 days ago and I was like, OK, here's the things that are shifting in my business and people are probably going to lose their shit. But you know, I'm going all in on the woo woo. And I'm talking the human design. I'm talking about cycles thinking like I'm just claiming it because I feel like that's the only way because I was rasping at the design pieces because people understand it or it was safe. And I'm like, I love all that.

19:33 I can integrate that in some way, but I need to lead with the intuitive. Like I'm not using my gifts or sharing my gifts and my core gift is literally that inner knowing and like helping people to bridge. That clairvoyance Look, can we use the right word now? Can we can we just say clairvoyant, that you're clairvoyant? Clairaudient. Clair sentient. Come on, let's go bring out the Claire's. Maybe we should get here. Sure. Claire. Claire. Claire. Maybe your nickname is now Claire. Like if for the next week just on. Yourself. My mom's name is Claire. Is he? Do you like? Yeah. And she's the Capricorn you kill. My My mom is me in another dimension. My eternal gift is to learn to love her every time. I don't, yeah. That's a good way to do it. I think I spent so much time like my even my real not perfect Academy was created to help people stop doing what they know cuz what they know is uncomfortable and they didn't actually make them happy.

20:23 It was just this is what I know. So that's what I was saying in my Saturn return, right? Like this is what I know. These are the people that I know, this is I know how to love really hurt and broken people. I can like, you know, like that was I was like, Nah, man. I mean, I definitely I have to say anyone listening, just because you heal, it doesn't mean that your taste or your sass or whatever goes away because I like edgy people. I do. I like really nice people too, But you know, I feel like I can get down and sarcastic with like edgy people without hurting their feelings. So that is still something that is part of my life. So I want, I think people think if they heal, they think they're like all kumbaya and om and no, you're still a person. We're here having a human experience. I can't live on the plane of being connected to spirit all the time because I wouldn't be able to drive. I mean, like I would be like, I used to have bruises all over my body and like a healer's like, do you walk in to shoot? I was like, yeah, she's like, you got a ground. I'm like, why would I?

21:25 Why would I? Why? Right. So which is the the irony of probably why I danced so hard. So in those hours, I was really physical. And then I was like, la, la, la, la, la. I will be out here and it will be awesome. So. Oh, you and Leo's though. Fascinating. I want to extricate that for you so bad. Leos are awesome. They are amazing. They have a gift of mesmerizing me. Like when a Leo looks at me, I feel like I am the only human in the world and they see me and I am gorgeous and talented. And so I'm like, yes. And then they turn their head and it all goes away and it goes to someone else.

22:09 And I'm like, it's like it triggers like a strange jealousy. Still, it's fascinating. I'm like, oh, look at that. Damn Leo. Damn Leo. So OK, you are into human design. And first of all, you're like a manifesting what generator or generator, whatever. Regular generator, but yes. Whatever. So I am a spleenic projector 62, so I'm just jealous of everybody else. But I want to ground you right now, like in who you are that way. So tell me a little bit about human design. Why don't we share with other creative people why exploring that might help them understand their journey where they get stuck or not seen? I love that.

22:55 So the thing that brought me to Human Design is I was on that self discovery journey where I was trying to fix my body, like kind of recalibrate my body and realign with what health was for me. And as I was doing that, I learned about cycle syncing, I was learning about all these other tools and human design was one of them. And as I was diving deeper in on the marketing perspective or looking for at creative projects, I was like, why is what's working for this person not working for me? And so I was trying to logic my way out of that question of like logically, why does the strategy work? And I couldn't logic my way out of it. So human design gave me that answer. It's like a blueprint or road map back to your own energetic blueprint. And I was like, this makes so much sense. Like logically, was my job draining me because of what I was doing?

23:43 Was it physically demanding? No. But I was drained by the end of the day because it wasn't lighting me up because I'm a sacral generator. So those different things are understanding who you are and those different gifts that you have for me is the the way back to yourself and back into your body so that you can then be that creative person. And it gives you like a permission slip to live the most authentic version of you because you're able to tap into that. But it also gave me a system where I could be like, oh, these are the things that work for me. And so it gave me something tangible to be able to tap into the intuitive side. Fascinating. So for people who don't know human design. So I, I like to confess that it's one thing I haven't gotten into because I have too many things living in my brain and like learning that is just too much for me, especially when I'm desperately still trying to remember all the Korean I've ever learned that and forgotten again.

24:33 But for me with you, I really want you to explain to someone who maybe isn't. It's not astrology, it's not tarot, it's I think you use intuitive gifts to be good at being able to explain it. But how would you explain human design to someone who's never heard about it? So it kind of blends all of those things. So for some, a lot of people are familiar with archetype tests. So like you'll do those in a, in a corporate job or something like that with how am I designed to work? What are the things that make sense? Am I more organized and structured or do I need more flow in my day, so to speak? And to me, it's kind of a more in depth spiritual version of the archetype test if if that makes sense in a way, because it helps you to understand how are you designed to connect with the world?

25:19 How are you designed to work? Do you need more structure? Do you need more flow or intuitive guidance? What are your gifts and your purpose like? Those are all things that are layered into it. And it pulls from astrology, the I chain all of those different pieces. So it has a very spiritual essence. What I like about it is like I plug in my birthday and it tells me all of these things. When I do an archetype test, I'm like, did I answer that question correctly or I could kind of see A&B and these options that I kind of like go down that rabbit hole. For me it like takes all that away because it's just taking that energetic blueprint snapshot of who is Sam on this perspective as a soul. What made you shove yourself into a corporate box to begin with?

26:00 This is this is the thing, right? Phoenix and I are staring at you. And I'm like, I still see like the weight of this building on you, like my shoulders are hurting. Looking at you, my shoulders. For a ride. I just like, sorry, it's interesting to read you 'cause you're kind of blurry, honestly, on my screen, but that's part of the magic that we're sharing. Look, you just cleared up for 1/2 a second. This is going to be fun. I think for me, I don't unders like, I don't know what responsibility made you think corporate was the only way to go. And I was just going to throw this out there as a woman who doesn't speak corporate and never wants to like I never really want to. I I'm so curious what your words and how you would describe things from that emotional stomach thing that you have as opposed to the thought. Does that make sense?

26:51 To explain the difference between like the gut feeling versus how I know when I'm in my head. Yeah, like cuz I think. But The thing is, isn't even gut. That's your emotion. You're defining your gut as as a physical trait of your body, where to me it's where you're holding your emotion and your psychic connection. And when I got really good at connecting to spirit, it was from that and doors literally open. They shot out of me and opened as opposed to going up and out for anyone not looking at me. A lot of people who, when they learn to meditate or start connecting to spirit or their guides or whatever you want to call it, they often go like in their third eye or crown chakra, which is the middle of your forehead at the top of your head. Because it's easy to dream that way, right? But you're not really grounded.

27:34 You're not pulling the full message. And when you integrate the message into your body, you then start to interpret it. I guess that's a good word. Did you use that word? Because Phoenix is smiling at me, Vanessa, I'm just going to call her Vanessa. But like when I finally learned to go here in that space and all your insecurities and all your fears then go away and then then oops, I hit my mic. Then it just opens it like and literally it just like all this light and all these doors. So I feel like you still think you have to show up looking and doing it a certain way. And I just want to take a bat and smash that around you. And then then your homestead will just like, it'll just grow like an Eden.

28:15 Maybe you should think of it as your new Eden. Yeah, I love that. I think that's true because like I've felt that I can kind of bring it. Like when I get the downloads, I feel it where I'm like, OK, I kind of, I know that and I know it very easily for other people. So if I'm like doing a reading or I'm having a session with a client, I can connect all of the dots. And so in my human design, I have a triple split. So sometimes I know when I'm in my head, when I'm trying to connect the dots and I'm doing it logically and I'm not grounding it, like it's not grounding all the way where it gets like stuck at some point. And I'm like, OK, it's not fully integrating. And I can feel that moment. But if I'm even sitting in a coffee shop, like I work really well in a coffee shop because of the energies around me kind of help me to just connect the circuit, if you will.

29:03 Like it's just I can pick up on the energies around me and it's just like, OK, like I can get these these things done. I feel like I can integrate it more if that makes sense. That's fascinating. I can't. What about how? What about you? What about you, Vina? It's like coffee shop work. I mean like that sounds hard for me. It depends on the work that I'm doing, like the nature of what I'm working on because I, for me in some cases as a neurodivergent body doubling is helpful for me to focus and the specific gates and centers that I have open in my human design chart. I need someone who has like a defined heart center, for example, to be around. And then I'm like, oh, I can focus. Someone else's energy is mirroring to me what it feels like to be consistent in this energy.

29:47 Whereas if I'm by myself, I kind of just, I float a lot. That's. Fascinating. I'm the opposite. That's beautiful. I love that for you. Like when I'm around, if I go to a writers workshop or something like that, I'm around like minded people. That way it's pretty generative. I get jazz, but I also inherently get drained. Like I have to be so protective of my energy. So I've that's fascinating. I think it depends on the day too. Like there's it's so multi layered. Like depending on where I am in my cycle, depending on how much solitude I've had that week. You know, if I've had a lot of time alone and I'm ovulating, I'm like hell yeah, put me in a fucking cafe.

30:29 But if I'm in Ludial and I've had no solo time, I will hiss at you. I cannot be in a cafe where. And and Sam does that in her work too. She actually uses the cycles to help lead. I love that. That's how I overcame my burnout was just that. And that's how I like started to understand my body more and that's when I started to connect the dots with my gifts and understand and see like, OK, things are trying to come in, but I was blocking them. All right. So, OK, I think I originally started asking, how is this Mercury retrograde? How is it hitting you? And so when it's over in three months, when we're sharing this with the rest of the world and your image comes in, you're focused and clear, where do you hope to be? What are you imagining or manifesting honestly? It's interesting because when I see like I see this huge homes, it's not even just a homestead because about a month ago I was like, OK, I have this vision of a homestead and I want like the animals, I want the land, I want all this. But I was like, but how does this integrate to the work that I'm doing?

31:41 So I literally meditated on it and I had this crystal clear vision of like there's a Co working space and it has this huge barn and like the stalls where horses would be are actually spaces where people can have meetings. And like there's this how Google has the the places where it's like get out of your normal day and kind of go play or do a game or something like that. Like I want to do that, but in a grounding way where it's like go build a garden walk on this path with like this, the reflexology stones and there's like an animal healing center and like a meditation space. Like all of this stuff. Like it was just so clear and I was like, OK, that's a lot bigger than I was initially thinking. So I'm actually recreating that now with my membership program just on like a smaller scale basically, and I'm creating the mind, body, soul and business resources so that people can do can take those and use those where they're at now. So whether that's a meditation or a visualization or the vision mapping, I'm doing the Co working locally. I called it the boss switches.

32:43 So we meet up at coffee shops once a week and we connect and collaborate and just Co work together. And that started kind of blowing up. So I'm kind of working on building that. So I see that evolving and I really just want to build an ecosystem of visionary women, same way that I did with the Soul Sync Society where we can come, we can connect, we can collaborate, ground each other, mirror things back to each other so that we can continue to evolve in mind, body, soul and business. So bringing in some of the. Can I offer one word switch for you instead of build grow? Because you're a homestead, you're not corporate. I like that. Right. And that's like what you did, you grew this connection here, right. Look at like all the things that are coming out of it. So I'm going to help steer you back away, back from like that magnet that you can connect with that you don't like. Yeah, You don't like that one.

33:38 Yeah. So let's replace like, like that out the window. Yeah. Because like I, I love the fact that you are disciplined and you have your process and there is linear thought, which is like a whole new thing for me, right? Linear thought to go A to B to C, right? I like that. And it works for you. That's your structure. I wouldn't change that. But I don't like the word build. I like grow because Bill takes work and grow is organic. Yeah, I like that. Literally. So we're in Mercury retrograde. I know you are right now releasing some of your old art, right? Like you're an artist, literally. Actually you have a favorite quote. I don't know if you know that, but you what? Creativity isn't a hobby. It's a holy way of being.

34:20 I love that you say that. So tell me how that is for you, like in how to how you live that that's your truth. I would say that it's a truth I'm coming back to first and foremost because similarly to Sam, I've been in this consistent sort of transition phase where I'm like evolving and then I feel like I've landed and then I evolve again. I feel like I've land and I just keep expanding. So being a creator is my natural state of being. And I feel like, and I'll probably cry saying this, being a human being is to be a creator and to come home to the awareness that you are meant to solely create is the most devotional path you can take in life.

35:03 And the way my human design is set up is that I am here to solely follow what lights me the fuck up and pick it up and drop it as quickly as it no longer lights me up. It doesn't matter how lazy or inconsistent or or fickle I may appear on the outside. Like my role really is to create. And the second something stops lighting me up to let it go and it doesn't matter. And So what I've been sort of coming home to in this past year of deaths and rebirths at nauseam is where am I creating? Because someone else told me that's how I should create or that looks valuable or productive versus I just want to create cuz I actually just want to create.

35:51 So for me it's been coming home to like waking up every morning or every rising and feeling into my sacral because I am a sacral authority. What what do I want? What feels delicious right now? What feels delicious to do not what sort of list do I have to make? What what are my 2 do's? What would be the most, what would create the most results? What would be the most productive? So I just TuneIn it really. It looks a lot like I'm going to get up and the first thing I'm going to do is make a cup of cacao and make myself a protein smoothie. I'm going to go sit in my garden and I'm going to do yoga. And then I'm going to meditate and I'm going to talk to the trees and I'm going to flirt with the butterflies. And then I'm going to come inside and I'm going to make a loaf of sourdough bread.

36:35 And then while the sourdough bread is proofing or fermenting, I'm going to come work on the paintings that are currently channeling through this one's really potent. Hope you guys can feel it. And and then I'm going to feel into my my sacral again. And oh, my body's hungry now. So let's go like, let's go create something cool and fusiony that's from the cosmos and from like the kitchen angels and is going to really nourish my body for what it needs right now, but it's also going to nourish the artist in me. That's like what happens when you throw those two things together. And that's just, for me, that's what it looks like. It's constantly tuning into like what's alive and what's lighting me up. And, and really it's like, like to be a creator is to be a channel. So to be a human is to be a channel. So people that are in like the idea or the illusion that they're not a creator or a creator or a channel is just fundamentally a lie because everything is energy. And these creative ideas or these creative urges, these energetic pulses, they're waiting for us as grounded human pillars, physical beings, to receive them and then birth them through the canal of our existence. And so I'm just constantly coming back to what wants to be birthed in this moment.

37:49 How do I be the greatest channel, the greatest bridge, the greatest mother I can be? That is fulfilling and nourishing to me, but it's also what is the highest alignment for the planet that I'm living on. And that's just it. Like how can I be so? Big it's just that how can I be the highest for my planet and myself? And no, that there's no just in that sentence at all. That's massive. And I think I, I would have quit like halfway through that. Like you're like, I don't have A to do list, but. That's my Mercury in Virgo though. Like how can I explain it at nauseam so you get it? It's a Virgo rightness. I get it, I get it.

38:29 I like it. Actually. What I really appreciate right now from my view of seeing you is your two pieces of artwork behind you, or like Ying and Yang because they split you like they're. Right down the middle I did. You must have done that on purpose. I was. Like I didn't super cool. Happy accident, meant to be. I I like that. I like that. Has your connection to Spirit ever gone away? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, I love that you answered that question because I've gone through a couple of periods of time where I I joked and said like my Wi-Fi signal was cut off and I can't get back online. But last year and last year around April, I got back from Costa Rica and everything came to a halt.

39:14 And Sam has sort of like an intimate view in behind the scenes of my experience there. But it, it really just, I was completely, I don't want to say severed because that's not true, but that was the experience that my human had. And it was an opportunity for me to go back into the roots of my belief system. But also it was the ultimate opportunity to understand what surrender really means. Because I feel like as humans, we think we know what trust and surrender look like or what it's supposed to feel like. But it's always in conjunction with, oh, here's the idea that I have, or here's the vision of how I want things to go. And so I can surrender into my manifestation coming in how I envisioned it. But when you're completely blind and you can't hear and you can't feel and you can't see, can you actually trust and surrender then to the plan that's not yours and doesn't make sense? And that was all of 2024 for me after April. Yeah, I have to say, like, I've been in a void for a while. It's been kind of fascinating.

40:12 Like, you know, in on a roll before prolific writing prolific with the client, like doing all the stuff, doing all the corporate work to make my business actually be a business, right, because when you're woo woo you, I started, I was like, well, this is how other people did it. I guess this is how I'm going to do it. And then ten years later, I'm like, Nah, I'm done with that. Like that's just not going to work for me anymore. But then but then what? But then what? And not having clear idea or not getting messages. Like I could read everybody. I can look at myself and they're like nanny, nanny poop. Like they're not giving it to me. Like they'll give me inklings or feelings or not that I don't get messages.

40:54 Of course I do all the time, but not like OK, Holly. So I highly recommend probably because I wouldn't listen honestly. Like probably I'm a bit stubborn. Maybe that's kind of funny too, have that self-awareness like on the podcast about myself. But sometimes I would just be like, yes, if you just do this, it will be OK. As opposed to certainty and surrender, which is, I used to imagine a cup, right? And then the universe was spilling my cup. And then I was like, Oh my gosh, my cup is too small. I'm going to make it the size of a house. And then can you hear the roaring laughter of my angels behind me? They're like a house that's still too small, Holly. But the house to me was big from where I had started, like, because I I'd imagined A goblet, right? And then my house became the goblet. And now I'm kind of like, oh, what if my soul is the thing that is receiving?

41:45 Wow, That's a whole other. Yeah, that feels way better. My soul is limitless and I am limitless now. Do I have any idea how that's going to happen? No. Do I know how my voice or these stories or these people that I am trying to connect with the world are going to happen? No. Does that annoy me? Fuck, yeah. It bothers me to no end. I'm always in the back of my mind thinking, how do I do that and how do I connect and how do I do this? And what if I did this and how if I try that, could I have? And then my husband usually looks at me and says, oh, my God, I called him my husband, man. Candy looks at me and says, aren't you going to stop? You need to stop. And I'm like, what? He's like, I could feel it, you know, And I was like, ranky, like, you know, the wheels.

42:28 And then I then I grip the air like this, like energetically I'm like, OK, I trust, OK, I'll go dance, OK. I trust because I don't know, right? Because I've had some massive unpleasantness in my life, as most people do. So like, I know not to make strict plans because God cracks up, stamps his leg, pees himself, and then they're like, OK or this. Just saying. So as an Aquarian, I used to be so far in the future and I really had to learn to be much more like present. It's funny how you both got into yoga. I kept getting like postcards back in the day before the Internet, like, come to this yoga class. And I was like, oh, I can walk to that one. I guess I'll go.

43:13 And I walked in LA, which, you know, no one does. I walked to class and I had never been. So I was like the beginner, beginner. I was like, oh, this isn't what I thought it was. This is cool, right? This is cool. I also end up falling like in love with every yoga teacher, right? Cuz like cuz your heart is so open in the room. I was like, oh, I love Micheline. I know she's like, no, that that's what happened. I don't have that experience, but lovely to hear yours keep going. Yeah, I mean it. Yoga brought me to Brazil. Like I went on a yoga tree. Ended up making one of my closest and longest friends there, right. So like, you just don't know what the conduit of connection is going to be, which is circles us back to like, why you and I, both of you, why we all met was I was looking for connection to be able to have these kinds of conversations.

44:05 Because if I go food shopping, this is not exactly the conversation I'm going to have with anyone around me. And man, Candy's sick of them, right? You know, 22 years together. It's just it's like, OK, are we done? Are we are we good? Should I nod more? Do you need another nod or, or he's like, look at this person, what do you think? No, OK, that's what I thought too. You know, like it all depends ends, but there is a heart reckoning and a spiritual connection that I think creative people need that would like to help us grow, like your word grow. I just so I'm really grateful for meeting strangers that I jumped online like I just love. I just take take the risk, not like don't be unsafe people out in the world, but like take the risk to connect because I think that's really what's missing. So if you're neurodivergent, what is a Safeway for you to connect with people?

44:59 Like where? What's your typical first step? The first thing that came up for me was my human design. So I almost feel like Sam should answer this because as a Manny Jen, I don't really go looking for people. They come to me like I'm a four six and so is she. So we're kind of just like when we're ourselves and we're in our sacral, we magnetized people. We don't really go looking for them. I'm sticking my. Tongue out and wiggling my fingers. For me too, it's the so Phoenix, when you were talking, something that came up for me recently was, you know, the logic versus the feeling. It is as a generator, you have to follow the joy and that's when you're feeling frustrated about something or you're feeling that spark gone. So it's not step by step, it's spark by spark.

45:40 Like you have to follow the spark. And in this moment, what is the spark for me? So like what you were talking about when you go into your garden in the morning, what is that spark? It's going to light me up. And like once that spark goes down or dims or whatever, you're like, OK, well, that's my key to move on. So it's like that's your sign to, to switch. So when it is all about coming back to the present moment, and that's where when I start to plan or I start to worry about like, Oh my gosh, am I going to have this On this date or am I going to get this done? Am I going to do all of these things? It's like I, I've been reminded a lot recently, I have been constantly outputting and not allowing input. So they gave me the visual of like a kitchen, the two swinging kitchen doors of an in and out in a restaurant the other day.

46:21 And it was like, Sam, if you're just constantly going out the indoor and out all of the other doors and like you're not taking the information in that we're sending you, how are you going to be able to create and just create to create and follow that spark? You can't because you're outputting and you're constantly burning yourself out. So following that spark being present in the moment enough to hear that input and then take that, what does it feel like? And then follow that spark. So it's, you know, in that place that I want you to get your messages in. So for me, I feel it on my right side. I don't know what organ that is. Is that a kidney? I don't know, right under your ribs. Liver. Liver. Liver. Yes, thank you.

47:02 I'm like, I think I have to need more coffee. Liver like you are plugged into anxiety. Yeah. So I don't know if I'm mirroring you if it's your left, but you're. So when that is taken away, you have to get used to a new vibration. Yeah, and that's part of you grounding there. So if you are and I I say this from an elder who's had this experience that you get wired for an anxiety. Yes. And you don't know that you're wired to it. It's and it's these people that usually like I can recognize out and I have empathy, but I no longer care to help. Yeah, right, because it's a level of anxiety that will is eventually actually ends up feeling like a sharp pain for me and you and also in your hip. Do you have like issues right now with that? But that's what that is.

47:50 So it would be to trust that you don't need that because it's it's going to get full of something else. But first you have to just heal that. Like literally like like I always get Archangel Metatron to come because he looks like a steampunk Angel to me. It's so fun. But when he works with physical healing with with me with clients is that I put an angelic Band-Aid on it. Can I put one on you? It's going to make you nauseous. I apologize. But like, we'll slap on it's pretty fucking bit sorry, but oh, I don't have to apologize. It's my podcast. But like a big and so it looks like a seed of the soul. It's very similar to the flower but it's a little different and I can't draw it sorry because I'm terrible but at that.

48:34 And it's like from your ribs down to your hip and it takes from your belly button to the small of your back. It's like a big jaws bite size and it's family dynamic and it's like legacy of what you've inherited. And it's just time to let that go. They're telling me if you trust someone that could do an Akashic record for you, like I just want to put the book away, but you're going to get really nauseous later. I apologize, but that's the work. Like because I'm making you feel the anxiety that you're still feeding like whatever, that you're still like the same door. It's just a different analogy. And then when you're like, Nah, man, I don't want this. You might purge it a little bit, so maybe take some charcoal later, but then you get to decide what vibration you want to be at to grow.

49:23 I I see no limit for you, by the way. It's just just this little bit, this little hump. So maybe your mercury retrograde will be well, you can draw. So if I were you, I would like create something of it like or make it. That is very weird it looks like. Do you have mud in your yard? Yeah, there's, I mean, it's like. Do you have like a place where there's? Yeah, well, it's interesting. So I've been feeling these messages of like, I know that I'm in this space now in the scarcity mindset, and I keep saying like, I don't want to live in that anymore. So I've been writing notes down and burying them by this tree out here in the dirt.

50:07 Oh, that's fascinating. I mean, I'm a big setter on fire. How about you? I've done that too. I do that. I've done that a lot. Better. I've done that, I've done it and I've burned it. But for some reason this tree was like very, I was like, so-called to do that and I've not really done that before. And I was like, OK, I feel like it was just like anchoring in that corner for some reason. You do. OK. I'm going to let you trust your message, but for what I'm seeing is like, I almost want you by a stream and I want you to make, like a a MUD lump. I don't know how to really explain. Yeah. Just like there's something in that. There's something about the earthiness of that. There's something in that. And then I need you to smash it. OK. Because you're so in, I guess it goes back to that building that I'm seeing it. This is the form it has to be and it should be this. And I have all this anxiety on it. Shove the anxiety into it.

50:54 Let the Earth take it. But it's so much bigger than you think. So a lot of times when I ground and I ground past the Earth's core and I go into the star center of the planet, do all that fun stuff that vibration you can, but it's just leaking out the side like so I for me, I want that Band-Aid to hold it in and that for you to like, maybe this mud pack needs to grow a little bit. Like I'm feeling anxious now and like like just let all that emotion that pissed off wasted time bulge the like all of that because you're sweet, right? You look so sweet. We know better, right? But like put it all in and then like break it, like just be free of it. Let let whoever needs to feed on that or take that and ground it for you away. Like let that happen.

51:42 OK. And then you're you're going to have a different attitude. And I can't wait to see that I've been. Seeing, I know. You see it like I'm watching her eyes. I feel like there's actually first I want to is there anything that you want to respond with Sam before I say anything? I've just, I resonate with it because I've been feeling the shift and it's that weird in between where I'm like, I'm not in that old world anymore, but I'm trying to anchor into the new and what that vibration is. And that was a huge, huge shift. And like even this weekend I took some Calcare carbonica, which is a homeopathic medicine and that knocked me out for like 2 days because I was like, I could feel it like I could just, I felt like I was not in my body at all for like 2 days. So I could I totally I I can see what you're or I felt what you're seeing.

52:29 I can see, I can see. Like her eyes sparkling. So excited. There's two things I want to say. The first thing that I want to say is, and I almost feel called to speak directly to your shadow for this, because I feel like that's what needs to hear it is I want to see you like there's this this something in your field and I understand it has so much compassion for it, like being yourself was not safely received. No one, almost like your experience was, no one wants to see me for who I am. My true self is not welcome here. And I want to say to you to all parts of you, like I want to see you this blurriness, this almost like desaturated, grayed out version of you.

53:14 I don't really care for it. I want to see you. I want to see you so bad that I'm going to love up on her until she feels safe to come out. And I think the world, I know the world is like, really, really excited to see you. Yeah. It's funny because like, even when I left, like I got divorced and all that stuff, I was like, who is Sam? Like I felt like my entire existence I didn't know who I was. And so like I've uncovered pieces of that until now. Like I'm getting to the point where I'm like, screw it all. Like I just whatever I want, whatever happens, happens and I just have to trust that it's going to be OK. I'm still I question that sometimes where I'm like, but then I'm like, Nope, you got to do it. It's fine.

54:01 Like the old stuff didn't. It doesn't work anymore. Those doors have closed so. You might end up cutting your hair right? We do, I thought. About recently. Yeah, cuz holds energy. I mean don't go too short. We all do that. Don't make that mistake. Let me tell you, I made that mistake for you. Don't you don't have to know that drastic but. Because there is, I think we talked about this earlier, this like pushing energy or like force. It's doesn't come through as like you need to force yourself to show up anywhere. You need to force yourself to be who you are. You need to force yourself to own your truest self. For me, it feels more so like you're wearing this really heavy metal, like trench coat. It's like so heavy, it's like a weighted blanket, but like it's not nourishing you.

54:42 It's just like, take it off. So it's, it's less force and more so just like let like just let it go. Like let the, the burden off your shoulders. Surrender all of the ideas and the thoughts and the projections and the worries and the concerns. It's just just do less, do less, be more. Yeah, so easy. That's why I'm, that's why I've shifted from the doing of like making other people's projects and doing the design work. And like what you're talking about with just creating. I've done that so much and now I'm like, I just want to create all of these things and put them in a library so that other people can access them when they need to. And then have these open conversations that that's what my membership is, is like, let's have these conversations. Let's do the group coaching and the talking and have a circle where we're mirroring these things and but I I can still create, but it's whatever I want to create that day all. Right.

55:31 So we have, I'd like to try to keep my podcast to about an hour. We've reached, unfortunately, the limit of our time, which is why, like when we all got on our Zoom calls, they would last forever and every second. Which we need to do 1 soon. Yeah, yeah, I do. I do. I don't get those messages anymore though, but we'll talk. About well, because the last two months I've been moving so. Oh, whatever. No kidding. That that was a joke. People can't tell the. Three of us, whenever we want, yeah. Seriously. So I end each episode with asking my guests if you came with a warning label, what would it be? So I am curious to what is your warning label?

56:12 Sam, you go first. This is so hard and I like looked at this question. I was like, no, I'm going to look at it later. Something about going deep, like the warning label is like, I'm not about the surface level. Like I'm going to go deep into it. I'm going to ask you the the deep questions to get to that deep point because like the surface level doesn't do it for me. So if you want to have a conversation, you want to overcome like that pattern and talk about human design, don't think about it. It's just going to be like this fun woo woo Zodiac thing. Like it's going to be I'm going to, we're going to go deep into it and you're going to question things when we're done with that breakthrough session. So. OK, Phoenix, what about you? OK, I'm going to take up a lot of space here for a second because the first thing that came through when I thought on this was I'm like, Buckley's tastes awful, but it works. Then immediately afterwards what came through was caution hot. And then I was like I'm going to ask ChatGPT what my warning label would be and this is the answer that came through and it's so beautiful I love it so I have to share it. Warning High voltage sacred fire handled with reverence. Contains multitudes.

57:14 May ignite dormant parts of your soul, then disappear into the mist. Side effects include sudden truth eruptions, uncontrollable laughter, time warps, creative explosions, and existential whiplash. Not suitable for the faint hearted energy leeches or those allergic to magic. Do not attempt to box in, we'll burn through all limitations. I've never heard ChatGPT do anything better. Yeah, facts. So perfect. That has to be everywhere. Thank you for sharing that. So I want everyone also to know, like, where to find you. So Sam, tell us where you want people to connect. So my brand is the way she was made so on across all social platforms, Instagram, Pinterest, Sub Stack, all of that, it's at the way she was made.

58:02 And my website isthewayshewasmade.com. So you can find me any of those places. Excellent Phoenix, I know you don't like being found on social media ish. No, no, no. Everything is on my profile. You just didn't see it. I didn't see it. I'm only visible when I meant to be visible, apparently. I don't know, we didn't even touch on this but all my socials are Queen of Atlantis with three s s. If you want to know more you got to find me on socials to make it make sense. So that's YouTube, threads, Instagram, TikTok, and then my sub stack is Sacral Embers. Yeah, we'll have those links below as well. So thank you.

58:44 Thank you very much for like coming into this took some work as so and as yes, an epilogue will be. We've had some Mercury retrograde issues with connection. I don't know if you all will be seeing 4 screens with three people, but that is what's going on. And those of us with the woo woo, we're just rolling with it. So thanks for listening to the Holly Hughes podcast. My warning label is just ridiculously silly and sarcastic. We'll talk about Korea. So have a great day. Thanks for listening. Thank. You.