Through the Fire: Wendy Valentine Talks Creativity, Overcoming Depression, and the Journey to Self Discovery

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It's so welcome to this episode
of the Holly Hughes Podcast.

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I am exceedingly, ridiculously
excited to talk to Wendy

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Valentine, who is the host of
her own amazing and popular

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podcast, the Midlife Makeover
podcast that I got to be a guest

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on, but whatever.
And she is an author and her

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book is coming out and it is
women waking up.

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And thank you, Wendy, for
coming.

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I am wearing pink for you
because it's your.

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Color, look and look.
And I've got my pink glasses.

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And the nails.
And the lips.

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I know.
I mean, you know, it always

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brightens your mood a little
bit, right?

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Just add a little color.
Well, you.

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Brighten my mood because like I
told you before we hit record, I

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was I'm a little cranky.
Life has been lifing a little

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bit lately.
So but like you are just

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sparkles, sparkles which will
lead into parts of your book.

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But I don't I don't really want
to jump ahead.

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This podcast is really about
creative people talking about

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what it is to live a creative
life, so we have a lot to cover

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with you.
We do, right?

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Yeah, we do, yeah.
A lot.

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And I'm going to split between
like your podcast and your

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creativity and your bravery,
right?

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Because I don't know that you
touch upon your bravery at all

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in your book.
You were like, and then I picked

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myself up and then I decided I'm
not going to be depressed.

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And then that bitch in my head,
I told her, shut up.

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And I was like, but to do that
and feel all the things that you

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have to feel to get there.
I.

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Think you downplay the Meg the
huge amount of work you did to

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do that so I would like to 1st.
Yes, like it will.

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Sarcastically give you applause
but like there's that meme going

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on.
Like the women applauding

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themselves for doing things and.
You're gonna have Andy make a a

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meme from of us right now I.
Mean, I would really much more

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do a booty shake because I like
to dance, right?

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Like that would be my thing for
you and I, I probably mistakenly

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feel like we're slightly friends
at this point because I always

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just want to talk to you.
But so tell me I my first

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question, my honest first
question is do you think you

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were always creative and just
didn't know it?

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Oh no, I believe we're all
creative.

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We're all creative in different
ways, right?

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I think with the the way my life
went for 20-30 years that I did

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quite get to really be creative
the way I wanted to be.

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Deep down, I always knew I would
be a writer or a public speaker

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or have my own show.
I knew that.

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But like you said earlier, life
happens, right?

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Like shit happens.
And so you just keep going and

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going and going and then
sometimes you'll wake up and go,

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wait a second, what am I doing?
Where, where am I at?

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Who am I?
So back story.

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I know you've read my story, but
yeah, so mid 40s.

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I, let's see, went through
divorce, chronic illness, I had

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black mold toxicity, Lyme
disease, and we'll throw in

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menopause.
That's for fun.

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Yeah, it's so fun.
It's so fun.

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The night sweats and everything.
And I was unemployed and then

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had a massive amount of debt and
within a six week period, my dog

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died, my cat died, and then my
brother died.

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So Needless to say, I was a
little depressed, suffering from

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anxiety and panic attack.
What did?

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Depression like look like for
you like because I I it's it's

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sneaky, right, because it can
kind of like creep up on you and

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then suddenly you're like, Oh my
God, I'm that woman on the TV

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show saying are you depressed?
I don't want to get off the

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sofa.
I'm not really hungry or rabbit

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like which what?
What was it like for you that

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way, that feeling of it it?
Was odd for me because I always

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had to be happy and lift
everybody else's spirits up.

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So I didn't have time for
depression.

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But depression was literally
like, no, you, I'm going to

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shove you down into the cushions
of the couch until you face all

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of this.
So depression was pretty

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challenging for me.
It just really shocked me.

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I didn't like it.
I mean, who does?

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But I, I didn't like it because
I didn't, I didn't feel like

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myself at all.
But it made me face that dark

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night of the soul, right?
And I had to take a really

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strong look at my life and
myself and I couldn't figure it

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all out overnight.
The old fashioned way of what I

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used to do.
I'd plan everything because I

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was such a perfection you.
You are a planner, by the way, I

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could tell your book is very
like detailed, right?

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You're like, which is no, it
really is good.

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I am as a writer, a panster.
Like for me, like I come at

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creativity as like I have this
overwhelming feeling, an

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emotion, a truth, a story, an
idea that I I have to get out

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right.
And then I just vomit on the

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page and then I work all the,
the business side of it much

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later.
But going through your book, you

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were like, no, this first, no,
bitch, this first, slow up, No,

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go back to this.
Okay, now that I've given you

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this and you've conquered it,
now I'm gonna give you this.

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Are you paying attention?
You're this and then this like I

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was like.
You know one thing, I know we're

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hopping around a little bit, but
I have found that most of us

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creatives, well, we're all
creatives, but writers and

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artists, right?
We create what we needed.

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And so I created this because
it's what I needed.

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I needed this guide book to tell
me this is what you need to do

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to get out of this funk and get
out of depression and to change

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your life and to be a new woman.
I needed that.

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And I'll admit, like I went to
Barnes and Noble one day.

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This was in the because I was so
depressed.

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I was like, I'm I'm going to
Barnes and Noble and get a new

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book because that'll solve my
problems, right?

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And I got a little cup of coffee
and I'm looking in the self help

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section, which is my section
because I've read all the books

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and then I thought none of them.
They're all great and amazing

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books, but it was more fluff and
less formula.

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I wanted, I needed someone to
tell me exactly what to do.

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And so I remember thinking as I
stared at that bookcase, I was

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like, one day I'm going to write
a book that actually tells a

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woman, this is what you need to
do to feel good again and to

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feel.
Yeah.

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I love that you said formula,
and I find that scientific part

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of your mind fascinating because
because your personality is big

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and vivacious and what?
What's your superhero?

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Which one is it?
Which?

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Superhero.
Are you superhero, Spark?

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I'm going to guess you're
probably Sage.

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You think Sage?
I thought the first one.

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Spark, I think we're a blend of
so superheroes, Spark and then

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Sage, they're both creatives.
Spark is a little bit louder.

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I'm definitely not.
That anymore?

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I'm definitely not that.
You're definitely the spark.

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No, there was.
Wait, I literally wrote it down.

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Where's my?
No.

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I did, I think I thought I wrote
Spark at first, but I think a

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little bit of sage.
I mean like it depends on my

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mood, right, Where I own my
moods.

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But what I did when I went to a
Barnes and Noble, literally also

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a Barnes and Noble, bless them
because I had a book signing

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there too.
But before my book went out, I

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went through their self help.
I was like, this isn't really

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anything that I like.
And my book was now a couple

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years old right now.
It is not then.

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And I went and put my business
card inside of every self help

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book.
Awesome, I.

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Did I was like if you want this,
you should maybe just.

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Yeah.
For me, let me let me help you

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through this.
Lips thank you there's a

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bookmark for you and by the way,
by my book that's awesome that's

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like that's master marketing
skills right there I.

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Also dropped my book off in in
Korea, right?

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Because my thing is I talk about
Korea.

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It's a Starfield library and
it's massive and it's beautiful

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and it's in a lot of K dramas.
And I went there and I met some

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women.
We became like friends.

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I love these women now, but they
helped me put my book into the

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library.
I went into the self help.

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It's on the 2nd floor.
I've had someone go back and it

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was still there, but now it's
not there.

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They probably were like, what is
this English language book in

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the Korean library?
But that was fun too.

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Heard of being a little bit
daring but.

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OK, wait.
Back to.

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Yeah, going back to that moment.
And I just realized that if my

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life was going to change, I had
to change.

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I had to have those real
conversations with myself.

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So I just.
And it's silly, but I had I

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always had this dream of driving
an RV across the country.

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And here it was, you know, I was
45 years old and I thought, Oh

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my gosh, my 50th birthday is
coming up and I wanted.

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To in between people I just
thought she's rushing the

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process there's. 5 Now I know,
but First things first, I had to

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get a job and I got a job in
Chicago selling houses.

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I love that.
New construction houses.

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I never, I have never done that
before.

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And I thought, what the hell
did?

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Did you ever watch this Seinfeld
episode with George Costanza

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when he did the opposite day?
Oh my.

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Gosh, yes, secret.
And I remember thinking I was

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like, you know what, What if I
just do the opposite of

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everything that I've ever done
and just go for it?

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So I did.
I got a job in Chicago and four

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weeks later I moved from
Virginia to Illinois.

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Had never really been there
before, maybe change planes

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there once or twice before and
got there on a Saturday.

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Started my new job on Monday
with the full intention of I am

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going to one day buy an RV and
take off across the country.

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Here's what was different from
with the old Wendy.

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The old Wendy would not have
even made a move unless she had

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everything laid out.
Perfectly laid out.

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Because I am a recovering
perfectionist.

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People pleaser, Co defendant,
approval seeker.

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That's me again.
I was like, none of that has

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worked for me in the past.
I have got to change my ways and

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I did.
So I worked my ass off and then,

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you know, recovered from chronic
illness.

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I seeked therapy so I could
recover from the depression, the

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anxiety.
It was little.

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Steps, each one.
Not trying to reinvent myself

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overnight because Rome wasn't
built in a day.

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The new you and your.
Break helps women do the same

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exact thing.
It helps other people be like,

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OK, I can do this concrete step,
this works.

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This will help support me in
making this happen.

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And I can you can also, you have
that beautiful tool of

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evaluation, right?
Like to really evaluate, is this

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working?
What's my scale?

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How high or low am I at?
You know where am I at?

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The wheel of midlife.
Yes, yes, yeah.

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It's really.
And I, you know, I still look at

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that.
I still think now I do it kind

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of in my mind.
But I think about those 8

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categories of life, right?
Family, finance, health, career,

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friends, love, leisure and
growth.

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And if you from zero to 10, if
you rank it 0 being totally

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dissatisfied to 10 being
satisfied and fulfilled, where

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do you rank each category of
your life?

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And it is such a good way to do
that, to evaluate your life.

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Just go, OK, where do I need to
fine tune some things?

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Where, how?
Maybe I need to be sleeping

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better.
Maybe I need to be to improve my

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finances.
Maybe I need to save more.

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Maybe I need to play more, maybe
I need better relationships.

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And it's not the point of I
don't believe that you have a

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perfectly round wheel that is
always rolling smoothly.

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It'll always be a little bumpy
because that's life, right?

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And that the goal isn't to have
a perfect life.

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The goal is we.
Don't do perfect.

225
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,120
We do.
We don't do perfect.

226
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,520
I cannot be perfect.
I can't do it anymore.

227
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,360
I don't it's.
Fake, it's not really do it.

228
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,000
It's like perfect.
It is scared perfect is they're

229
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,640
scared.
I'm not living up to this

230
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,040
expectation.
My expectation.

231
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,760
You are what?
How do I need to make things

232
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,040
better here?
How do I get a sense of control

233
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,480
over what is going on?
I'll make this look this anytime

234
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:25,160
I walk into someones house and
it's Immaculate and every pillow

235
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,640
has that crease and there's no
dust and there's nothing on the

236
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,200
kitchen counter, especially if
there's nothing on the.

237
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,520
I don't trust them.
I know they're so out of control

238
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,520
in some aspect of your life,
like not yours, but of their

239
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:37,880
life.
Yeah.

240
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,560
Just like I'm like, I can't wait
to hear the story that's coming

241
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,760
out or the confession because
people always before I started

242
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,680
like working as a healer, people
would confess these wild things

243
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,520
to me.
I'd be like, you don't have to

244
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:49,920
tell me that like.
I.

245
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,920
I don't know you like we don't
you don't have to just like tell

246
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,120
me so you feel better, but like,
yeah, that that need for

247
00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:01,240
perfection or even when people
are there's like looking

248
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,720
beautiful and feeling good about
yourself, however and whatever

249
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,360
that is for you.
But then there's also.

250
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,880
Just embracing who you are, just
embracing the messiness.

251
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,000
Life gets messy, we get messy.
It's totally OK.

252
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,760
And I think done is better than
perfect, right?

253
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:20,240
Just do it.
And Speaking of, there was a

254
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,160
quote that I had.
It was above my laptop during

255
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,120
that, my midlife meltdown, if
you will.

256
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,680
I don't like to call it a
crisis.

257
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,120
It's a bit of a meltdown.
And it's from Marianne

258
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,600
Williamson.
And it's our deepest fear is not

259
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,800
that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are

260
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,240
powerful beyond measure.
And here's the really important

261
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:44,640
part that you need to listen to.
It is our light, not our

262
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,440
darkness, that most frightens
us.

263
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,880
And I remember sitting there one
day at my desk before I had

264
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:55,680
started changing my life, and I
asked myself, OK, Wendy, what

265
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,080
if?
What if you fully stepped into

266
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,320
your light?
Not Even so much What would I

267
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,920
do?
But who would I be?

268
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:10,160
Because if we were to fully step
into our light as a creative, as

269
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,760
a human being, who would we
really be?

270
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,440
And sometimes that's scary
because that means that if you

271
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,840
step into your light, you might
need to make some changes in

272
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:20,760
your life.
Yeah.

273
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,560
And for me, world.
Rewards dark right now.

274
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,800
Oh yeah.
Rewards being an asshole or

275
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,280
being judgmental or being
horribly cruel, right?

276
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:37,000
So if you take what like the
seven seconds of social media

277
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,200
will tell you is important and
then you apply it to you as a

278
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,520
whole person, it just shrinks
you.

279
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:47,160
Right, Yeah, no shrinking.
So it's, yeah, I think that's an

280
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:51,520
important question we need to
ask ourselves is who would I be

281
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:56,840
if I fully authentically stepped
into my light, stepped into my

282
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,240
truth?
What would I have to do to be

283
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,440
that person?
Because sometimes you, you might

284
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,160
have to quit a job.
You might need to move across

285
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,880
the country or to another
country.

286
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,200
You might need to leave a
marriage.

287
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,480
You might need, who knows?
But to really give yourself

288
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:21,320
permission to be the true you.
It's that's, that's where the

289
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,200
courage is.
And it's not I, you can't do it

290
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,880
for anybody else, right?
We all know that.

291
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,600
Like we can't change anybody
else.

292
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,160
We can.
I can't give you a jar of

293
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,920
courage.
Like let's say here's my glass

294
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,400
here.
I can't.

295
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,280
Like, here you go.
Here's a big old jar of courage

296
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,840
for you.
OK, Holly, you go and take that

297
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,320
and just do whatever the hell
you want.

298
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,440
I had to fill this up myself.
You have to fill up your jar of

299
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,080
courage yourself.
And you do that by taking

300
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,040
action.
So it's not like you have this

301
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,200
one aha moment after another in
your mind.

302
00:16:55,200 --> 00:17:00,360
You're like, okay, now I'm ready
now I'm ready to fully go all

303
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,400
out in my life.
No, you start to take the steps,

304
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,240
you stumble, you take another
step, you stumble and it's just

305
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,160
being okay with it.
It is about being messy and but

306
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,920
every single thing is so
rewarding.

307
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,160
Even when you stumble it is so
reward.

308
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,200
I didn't know how to drive a
freaking RVI.

309
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,480
Know I'm so impressed by that I
mean can I stay in the lines I.

310
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,680
Don't know.
I know.

311
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,359
I know all of it.
I didn't know how to do any of

312
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,120
it.
But there's that.

313
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,480
That quote of leap in the net
will appear.

314
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:37,640
You leap and the net will appear
and you realize the net isn't

315
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,000
outside of you.
It's not that someone tosses you

316
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,640
a net.
You are the net.

317
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,960
Now you're in, right?
Yeah.

318
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,920
I think what is also fascinating
in getting to know you over the

319
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,320
past like 2 years, I think,
yeah, right.

320
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:58,720
Is that your evolution, right.
And your comfort, it's like it's

321
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,200
really interesting.
You and I have sort of similar

322
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,240
stories in that like I had a
bunch of horrible things happen.

323
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,280
I moved across the country, I
didn't know anyone.

324
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,720
I crashed on my friend's floor
and I was like, well, if this

325
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,600
person who wasn't all that
smart, I know that's judgmental,

326
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,840
just go with me.
So anyway, this guy that my

327
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,120
friend was sleeping with moved
to LA and he got a job.

328
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,800
Was like, if they hired him,
they'll hire me.

329
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,120
I was like, are you hiring?
I called, they're like, can you

330
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,520
start Monday?
I said yes.

331
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,520
I left my roommate four months
of rent and left.

332
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,480
I didn't know anything.
I just kind of like I did that

333
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,040
leap.
But at the same time, just like

334
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,680
you also mentioned in your book,
wherever you go, you are taking

335
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,920
you with you.
You can't just like pick up and

336
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,760
erase everything.
You can start over.

337
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,800
You can make a lot of different
choices.

338
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,720
And then I moved from LA back
down to North Carolina, which if

339
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,520
you ever told me I was going to
live here as long as I have and

340
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,640
do, I'd be like you.
No, but it was a choice that was

341
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,240
good for my family.
Right.

342
00:18:55,560 --> 00:19:01,280
And remarkably enough, my
creativity took off in a place

343
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,960
where I feel like an outlier,
which is like, fascinating.

344
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,960
In LA, my weird is so normal.
It's like, yeah, everyone is

345
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,440
like that.
You know, when I got there, I

346
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,520
was like, Oh my God, I'm.
I'm not weird at all.

347
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,360
I've just been in the wrong
spot.

348
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,920
But I couldn't play the toxic
game forever there, which there

349
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,560
is.
There's a little selling of your

350
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,720
soul.
I think for me, when it comes to

351
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,280
film and entertainment like film
and TV stuff, you have to have a

352
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:35,000
level of needing to be seen or
needing to people please to make

353
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,160
that creative Crucible work.
Right.

354
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,960
Yeah.
And it ultimately wasn't for me.

355
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,720
And when I left there, that's
where I actually when I found my

356
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:49,520
voice as a writer interesting.
Find your voice as a writer.

357
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,320
How was that process for you?
Well, so this actually just came

358
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,440
up the other day and I kind of
forgot about it, but I fell in

359
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:03,760
love with writing when I was a
pastry student in Paris.

360
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,680
I know.
And this was, oh, gosh, I'm so

361
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,600
bad about time.
Maybe 10 years ago.

362
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,400
So I, yeah, I was like, you know
what?

363
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,840
And I love cooking.
I love baking.

364
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,560
I'm a really good French pastry
chef.

365
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,880
And if I'm registered for
myself?

366
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,760
Is that why it's so hard to get
rid of the pans?

367
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,640
When you moved into the RV?
Was that the way?

368
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,240
No, I still, I still saved one
of my chef coats.

369
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,080
I was like, cannot get rid of
it.

370
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,280
Anyway, so this was when I was
living back in Virginia and I

371
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,440
was like, you know what, I'm
going to go to pastry school.

372
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,600
I always wanted to do that.
This was the time when I was

373
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,400
trying to figure out what the
heck am I going to do with my

374
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,600
life?
Am I going to be pastry, you

375
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,320
know, a chef?
Am I going to be a yoga teacher?

376
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,280
What the hell am I doing?
And I was like trying anything

377
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,840
and everything.
So everyone was asking me, this

378
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,800
was a little bit, not before
social media, before we were

379
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,000
really sharing a lot of our
lives on social media.

380
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,840
And people were asking, well,
how are we going to know how

381
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,720
you're doing in school in Paris?
And I was like, maybe I'll start

382
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:11,320
one of those blogs, you know?
So I in every single day I wrote

383
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:16,240
on Tumblr every single day I did
my blog, I went to school,

384
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,360
walked back to my little apt, I
got a baguette, chocolate and

385
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:24,280
bottle of wine and I sat on my
little tiny little balcony and I

386
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:29,880
wrote about my day.
And within nuts, within about

387
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:35,000
six weeks, I had over 80,000
subscribers and that nuts And I

388
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,360
was like, why are these people
wanting to read about my day in

389
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:44,480
pastry school?
And I, that was when I really, I

390
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:49,160
fell in love with writing and
just letting my, my soul speak

391
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,160
without being limited, just
writing whatever I wanted to

392
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,240
write.
And it wasn't anything.

393
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,480
I didn't have to come up with
anything.

394
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,920
I was my day, my, that was my
subject.

395
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,560
And it was kind of fun because
then when every day would start,

396
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:09,360
I was like, wonder what's gonna
happen today in school or

397
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,600
outside of school?
Walking, walking.

398
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,200
I mean, I love one of the things
I love to do was baking all the

399
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,560
pastries during the day.
And then after school, when I

400
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:20,560
was on my way home, I'd feed the
homeless.

401
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,200
That was one of my highlights.
Love that.

402
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:28,440
So I'd write about that.
And here's the this is to answer

403
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:33,000
your question.
Finally, one day I'm in the

404
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,280
locker room now this school is
in Le Cordon Bleu in Paris and

405
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,200
people come from all over the
world to go to the school.

406
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,800
And this German girl comes up to
me.

407
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:46,560
She's probably mid 20s.
And she said, are you go Wendy

408
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,880
go.
That was my handle name.

409
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:52,280
And I was like, yes.
And she goes and it makes me

410
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,160
want to cry.
She goes, I want to thank you so

411
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,280
much for writing every single
day.

412
00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,360
She said I found your blog and
it inspired me to follow my

413
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:04,440
dreams of becoming the pastry
chef and I.

414
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:10,960
Was like whoa.
Like that, the power of words,

415
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:16,520
of creativity, of sharing, of
just allowing yourself to fully

416
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:22,000
be can change someone's life.
It's fascinating, so.

417
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,760
Like you have like no
insecurity, like insecurity

418
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,760
about it though.
That's the part that I.

419
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,640
Find.
Oh, I do.

420
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,200
I do.
But like, that's part.

421
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,600
Of they don't care.
How do how does it show up or

422
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,360
what does it sound like for you
or like, you know, there can be

423
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,440
days like I like to tell people
who are not creative.

424
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,960
Sometimes creative people need
downtime.

425
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,320
Yeah.
We need distance from stuff

426
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,360
we're working on or we need
space, or there's an idea and

427
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:53,000
it's not fully formed.
Like that's part of my process.

428
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,520
And then I can accomplish more
in an hour and a half when I'm

429
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,440
focused.
And a lot of people can in two

430
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,680
weeks, like, I'm just like, I'm
there, I'm in the zone, stay

431
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,120
away, don't talk to me.
So what is your, like, process?

432
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,160
Like how do you ride the high
and the low?

433
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,520
The little bumps in your wheel?
OK, epiphany.

434
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,480
Epiphany right before I no,
well, not right before.

435
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,160
Actually it was right after,
excuse me, after I took off in

436
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,680
the RV across the country.
I know we're kind of like back

437
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:25,880
and forth, but people.
Can follow.

438
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,760
Yeah, people can follow.
Y'all got this.

439
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:33,840
I took off in the RV and my
first step, first stop was Santa

440
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:40,120
Fe, NM, and there I ended up
doing a ketamine journey.

441
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,360
There was just an awesome, yes,
it was amazing.

442
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:49,720
And during that whole journey,
the one that the thing that I

443
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:56,400
needed the most was this one
epiphany and it was Wendy get

444
00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:01,560
out of the way.
I was basically my soul telling

445
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:06,240
me you need to step aside
because I was blocking.

446
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,160
We all do.
We block ourselves, we all, we

447
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,920
do it all the time.
It's ridiculous.

448
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,600
We are our worst critics and
enemies.

449
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:20,440
It's so sad.
So from that moment forward, I

450
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,480
thought, OK, what if I what if I
just step aside?

451
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:28,920
What if I allowed my heart to
just feel whatever it wants to

452
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,240
feel, Let my soul say whatever
it wants to say, even if it's

453
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,120
not said perfectly or written
perfectly.

454
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:41,200
I, I was, I was so exhausted
being a perfectionist, I could

455
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,560
not do it anymore.
I, I, and the thing I realized

456
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:51,000
is that I had spent half of my
life considering if I am lucky

457
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:56,440
enough to live to 100, I spent
half of my life making sure

458
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,800
everyone else was happy and that
I was perfect.

459
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:04,520
So everybody else was happy and
everyone is good and let me do

460
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:09,200
all of this and this and this.
And in the end I was like, shit

461
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:14,400
didn't matter and I was
miserable because I wasn't being

462
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,080
my true self.
I was I was living life for

463
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,360
everybody else.
So was your voice different?

464
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:24,000
Like did you look different?
I'm so curious because I can't

465
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,760
imagine you any.
Other way right I think.

466
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,240
People who know me, you might
know.

467
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,240
Slice.
Of me, you'll know, you'll be

468
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,840
like, that's how I didn't wear
my hair curly today because I

469
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,880
can't compete with your amazing
curls.

470
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,800
And I'm just saying.
So I blew it out for you last

471
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,160
night after dance class, but.
No, I like it.

472
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,840
Yeah, but I'm like, I'm curious
as to like what you look like if

473
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:53,120
when I see pictures of me when I
was deep in my people pleasing.

474
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,640
Yeah, like my, there are moments
where, you know, my smile is the

475
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,040
same and stuff, but it's it's in
the eyes, right?

476
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,800
Uh huh.
When I look back, it's so funny

477
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,960
because one of the things I did
and part of my decluttering,

478
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,000
because since I sold everything,
one of the things I did is I

479
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:14,200
went through thousands of
photographs so that I could scan

480
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,040
them, right.
And in that process, you, you

481
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,840
take a little, you know, travel
through your, through your

482
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,560
history, and I'm looking at all
these pictures.

483
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,920
I couldn't even connect with
that girl or that young woman.

484
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,280
I was like, and I actually felt
really sorry for her.

485
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,600
I felt bad for her.
Like I just wanted to hug the

486
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,120
picture because I was like, aw,
that poor thing.

487
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,200
If she only knew that she's
wasting her time with all of the

488
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,920
bullshit that she worries about.
It's not freaking worth it.

489
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:48,000
It is so not worth it.
So I always appeared to have my

490
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,880
shit together on the outside
that on the inside I was always

491
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,000
questioning myself.
I was always worried.

492
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,480
I was always thinking, just
thinking and thinking about the

493
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,440
most ridiculous stuff.
Is this good enough?

494
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:05,640
Is that exhausting?
I couldn't, I couldn't keep up

495
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:11,000
with that and I had to give
myself permission to just be and

496
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,120
to just allow and just just and
don't, right?

497
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:17,360
Don't we like we see some of
these people that are out there,

498
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:21,120
whether they be, you know, movie
stars or someone on Instagram,

499
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:25,000
that they're just bold AF and
you're just like, damn, that is

500
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,080
it's refreshing.
I think there's a difference.

501
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,400
I think for me, because I can
read people right.

502
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,920
Yeah, right.
Sometimes.

503
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:33,240
I'm looking at them.
I'm like.

504
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:37,160
Yeah, yeah.
Like what I like.

505
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,600
I know what's really going on.
You need to stop.

506
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,800
And I would rather be honest.
Like I always tell people I'm

507
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:49,280
Moody, but I own my moods.
So yeah, my dog died last week,

508
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,560
so I was very, very.
Well shit, no wonder you're

509
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,840
having a shitty week.
Exactly.

510
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,440
You're the third person to tell
me that.

511
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,600
But now that it's done,
everyone's pets are safe.

512
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,480
But so I am.
Sorry.

513
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,760
That's thank you.
I'm a delayed.

514
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,320
I go deep and then I'm kind of
not on the planet.

515
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,320
Like my husband was like, hello,
where are you?

516
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,720
I was like, I didn't know how I
was.

517
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,920
See, I'm getting upset.
I didn't know how I was gonna

518
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,240
like react, but like I didn't
realize how often in the day I

519
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,880
reached for him or spoke to him
or touched him 'cause I work a

520
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,440
lot from home so he was always.
Oh, you're making me cry.

521
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,120
Right, so he's you, you keep
your puppy with you too.

522
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,920
So like, you know that
connection and and then like,

523
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,560
where are you?
And then I was like, oh,

524
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:39,640
sometimes when I'm in that deep
grief, we'll just call it grief,

525
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,640
right?
Sometimes some of my best ideas

526
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,280
or stories or thoughts or the
start of something happens.

527
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:52,840
I find it really hard to be
prolific, I guess, because I

528
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:57,200
judge how good I could be, right
when I'm super happy because I

529
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,160
want to be in the moment of
happiness.

530
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,760
How about you?
When you because you unpacked a

531
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:07,040
lot, you had a great deal of
loss.

532
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,880
Yeah.
In intense loss.

533
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,280
Yeah.
Like, So like, do you think that

534
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,320
was part of, like, what cooked
more of your voice and your

535
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,320
creativity?
And did you give yourself ever,

536
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,560
like, permission to, like, write
angry because, like, again, I

537
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:25,160
can't.
Yes.

538
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,440
I've seen you worried, like when
your car was on fire.

539
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,800
Don't even get me started.
When I saw that video I was like

540
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:34,840
girl you're dragging a car that
is on fire and don't tell me

541
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,240
that 2 angels didn't show up and
unhook it for you.

542
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,000
What?
Was that not weird?

543
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:45,080
That was a trip. 22 good old
boys just like jumped out with,

544
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,800
you know, just fire
extinguisher.

545
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,520
So to answer your question,
yeah, the emotional.

546
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,320
Part like so right now, like you
have this huge book, you did the

547
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:58,920
proposal you you've been found,
you have your boys, but are you

548
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,480
more creative in an emotionally
charged space?

549
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,640
I allow to whatever comes up
comes up.

550
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:14,040
And the way I look at it too,
there's something for everyone

551
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,080
out there.
So some people might like

552
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,960
Michael Jackson and some people
don't like his music.

553
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,880
Some people prefer Kid Rock.
I don't know, right, But so

554
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,640
that's the way I look at it,
like even with this book, some

555
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,400
people might hate it, some
people might love it, some

556
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:32,720
people might have
transformation.

557
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,400
Some people be like, well, it
didn't do a damn thing for me,

558
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,960
whatever.
Like you have to like to have

559
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,760
this Nice just.
How did you said even about it?

560
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,400
Like, like, are you asking?
My words are out there.

561
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:50,160
No, this is fascinating too.
My roses comes out in that part

562
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,440
and you're like, no man, I'm
good.

563
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,560
Yeah, you have to be detached
because what is worrying gonna

564
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,640
do?
I don't know that I'm worried.

565
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,200
I that's a really good question.
I'm like, I'm really good about

566
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,880
doing the work and putting it
out there.

567
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,360
Like I feel good, but then
knowing it's out there, then I'm

568
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:10,560
like, oh, this like, you know,
these strangers can leave like

569
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,080
weirdo, I get some weird
comments.

570
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,640
I can't imagine what you get
right.

571
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,840
Oh God.
Oh, yeah, they're so creepy.

572
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,400
Like especially like on TikTok,
I give it, I, I looked, I never

573
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,200
go on my messages.
And then I looked on there one

574
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,720
day and I was dying, cracking
up.

575
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:30,200
And these guys like, I want to
be your, I want to be your sugar

576
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,560
daddy.
Give me your bills.

577
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,600
And I wrote back, I was like,
you don't want my bills.

578
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,680
Trust me.
You do not want my bills.

579
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,840
Just.
Just handling all my just paying

580
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,760
for all my hair conditioner will
kill you.

581
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:44,960
You know, I was like, no, you
don't want my bills.

582
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,720
But you know what, here's here's
the thing, Here's the, here's

583
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:55,000
the beautiful part of loss.
You realize the beauty of life

584
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,400
and the life that you're if like
if you're listening right now,

585
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,160
that means you're breathing.
We hope so.

586
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:07,720
It means you're living life.
It is a gift when I think back,

587
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,280
not to be like everyone, pull
out your violin and feel sorry

588
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,840
for me.
But my first husband died at the

589
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,840
age of 26 years old, died in his
sleep.

590
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,760
We have no explanation for it,
just his heart stopped beating

591
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,840
at 26 years old so.
Crazy.

592
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:26,160
And then my brother died.
Although drug addiction at 49

593
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:34,760
years old, still to have life
means that you can be you.

594
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:41,040
And someday Holly Hughes and
Wendy Valentine will be

595
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,000
forgotten.
Maybe.

596
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,440
Might take 20 years, 50 years,
but someday.

597
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:52,040
So why do we give a shit what
anyone thinks?

598
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,440
Because we'll be gone.
They'll be gone.

599
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:02,080
Why does it matter?
Like, why not just go all out

600
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,880
and just see what can happen?
Like why not?

601
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,040
I love that.
I agree.

602
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,520
Why not?
I mean, I, I, I do things like

603
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:14,159
that can happen, you fail or it
doesn't work and you get to do

604
00:34:14,159 --> 00:34:16,159
it again.
Well, then, do you know what

605
00:34:16,159 --> 00:34:18,920
too?
I think we ask ourselves that

606
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,480
question of like, what is
success?

607
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,199
You know, like, well, what is
success?

608
00:34:22,639 --> 00:34:25,320
What's success to you and to me?
Well, what is failure?

609
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,600
What is failure?
I mean, it's the opposite, but

610
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:33,199
who's to say what is a failure?
I mean, I don't know how many

611
00:34:33,199 --> 00:34:36,120
times like the the light bulb
was trying to be invented.

612
00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:38,040
And what if they just gave up
after one time?

613
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,719
Well, that was a failure.
Like thank God.

614
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,280
I mean, I've got this gigantic
ring light in front of me right

615
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,000
now.
So thank God we have thank God

616
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:50,239
they pushed through, you know,
so I just don't believe.

617
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,639
I don't believe in failure.
I just don't.

618
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,199
Like I always wanted to be a
writer and when I was in film

619
00:34:56,199 --> 00:35:00,280
and TV, when I was leaving my
starter marriage because it was

620
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,160
horribly abusive and I was like,
I wanted to write, so let me

621
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,200
learn to write again.
And you know, I was working

622
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,400
12-14 hour days plus an hour
commute.

623
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,160
I was like, where am I sneaking
in?

624
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,400
Like it's not like I can go
somewhere, but I somehow I

625
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,320
managed.
I took a UCLA Extension creative

626
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:19,120
writing class and I found out I
was terrible.

627
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,040
I was a terrible writer, and
it's just because I hadn't used

628
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,200
it.
I hadn't owned my own creativity

629
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,000
because I thought that this
person was better or this person

630
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,840
was better.
If I give them my idea, they'll

631
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,160
make my idea better.
Now that's just crap.

632
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,680
That's just crap.
And we don't have to monetize

633
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,520
everything in this as a creative
person.

634
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:45,200
But if you don't actually let it
out, I think it weighs on you.

635
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,160
It weighs on your soul.
It makes you feel like dull and

636
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,600
less than it.
I think it doesn't let you fully

637
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,000
step into, like you said, your
light.

638
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,360
Right.
I mean, I wasn't doing any of my

639
00:35:56,360 --> 00:36:00,040
creative work for decades.
But pastry?

640
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,000
I was.
Doing a cooking because I hate

641
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,080
cooking and I'm a good cook and
I'm resentful.

642
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:08,240
I'm resentful of that.
Like I don't understand the joy

643
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:13,040
of breaking everything out.
That's just not your thing.

644
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,080
That sort of thing ain't your
bag, baby.

645
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,320
Just embrace it.
You just, you don't dig it,

646
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,120
don't do it.
I have the craziest craving for

647
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,120
baked clams like.
Interesting.

648
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,680
No, it's really weird.
I came home from dance class

649
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:26,680
last night and I walked in the
house.

650
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,560
I was like, I want like, was it
clams casino?

651
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,400
It's like such a Long Island.
Don't judge.

652
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,640
That's where I grew up.
Like it was such like when I

653
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,520
grew up, when I was like, we
used to go to this town at Port

654
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,240
Jeff and like all the
restaurants you had like all the

655
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,680
stuff outside.
I don't think people walk or do

656
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,840
things in person anymore, but
back in the day.

657
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:45,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And.

658
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,160
As teenagers, we would like walk
up and down.

659
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,280
I remember eating like fried
clams, Like I can't eat fried

660
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:51,560
food now because, you know, the
paws.

661
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,400
But like, I'm just saying like
all this stuff.

662
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,800
And I came home.
I was like, like saying it right

663
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,800
now I'm getting really hungry.
I was like, where do I get that

664
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,360
here?
I don't even know if it exists.

665
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:05,240
I might have to cook it.
I might have to figure that one

666
00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:08,880
out because I really, really
want it, right?

667
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,120
Like even like a thought like
that for anyone who's creative,

668
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,280
right?
Like there's this need, there's

669
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,600
a need to do something and get
it out.

670
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,640
I think that is the beauty of
creative people in general.

671
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,880
Like whenever your gift is in
it, when you're deny it, you're

672
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,960
not fully you.
No.

673
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,280
Don't deny it.
Yeah, and you have to figure out

674
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,240
what works for you.
Like I'm a I'm a morning

675
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,640
creator.
I mean, when I wrote my book, I

676
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:41,000
wrote, I wrote it in 60 days
over 65.

677
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:45,040
I know 65,000 words in 60 days.
You can tell it was like built

678
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:50,040
up in me, but I, I got up at
5:00 AM and I went straight like

679
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,400
in the dark and had a little
light there in the kitchen and

680
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:57,640
just boom, just did it.
That's my style, though.

681
00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:01,520
There are people that like to.
I have a friend, Camille, she

682
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,920
would write 30 minutes every
single day and that's how she

683
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,200
did it.
I couldn't do that because it

684
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,160
takes me 30 minutes just to get
into the groove.

685
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,120
You know, I'm like, I'm just
getting going.

686
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:15,520
I'm like, but that's how I am.
But you have to figure out what

687
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,200
works for you.
Some people are afternoon

688
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,200
writers or evening writers or
whatever.

689
00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:21,880
You just.
Or in the afternoon, that's.

690
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,800
What I want to do I.
Want to take a nap?

691
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,040
I don't want to be creative.
You try different things.

692
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:32,120
As a matter of fact, you have to
allow yourself to try different

693
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,840
things and to pivot when you
need to pivot.

694
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,480
For example, I just made a
decision this week.

695
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,080
Let's hear it.
You ready?

696
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,760
And as you know, I'm pretty
active on social media and all

697
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,200
the things and it it can be
overwhelming.

698
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,120
And I was like, I don't want, I
don't want that.

699
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,920
I don't want to feel
overwhelmed.

700
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,400
I have the podcast.
That's a lot of work, as you

701
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,560
know, right.
And I miss writing.

702
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:02,040
I miss the I miss those old
pastry days of blogging.

703
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,200
I was like, I miss, I miss that.
I want that style of it because

704
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,600
you know, when you write a book,
a published book, it has to be

705
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,200
that part has to be perfect and
goes through like 10 different

706
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,240
editors, right?
I miss that.

707
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:19,760
So here's my decision in this
last week instead of before I

708
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:25,560
was on, I had three Facebook
accounts pages and Instagram,

709
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:30,840
TikTok, Pinterest, YouTube, one
other one.

710
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:37,840
I said goodbye to YouTube and I
said goodbye to TikTok and

711
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,960
Pinterest and all I have now is
1 Facebook account, one

712
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,080
Instagram account which those
basically are the same, just

713
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,840
different, you know, it's the
same, same stuff.

714
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,000
And I'm gonna start doing sub
stack.

715
00:39:51,240 --> 00:39:53,880
OK so I have been avoiding sub
stack.

716
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,840
So you start and then you let me
know because.

717
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:58,160
Why?
Because yeah.

718
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,760
It's work.
It's more work right now and I'm

719
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,280
like, I know, I know podcast.
I literally have 3.

720
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:08,880
Three books in edit and I have a
book due to an editor in like 2

721
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,920
weeks that I got.
To let's talk about that,

722
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:16,720
though, the overwhelm which
happens with a lot of creatives

723
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,600
where we try to put too much
onto ourselves and then

724
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,560
sometimes we just freeze.
We get paralyzed because we put

725
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:27,600
too much onto ourselves that
we're not doing anything really.

726
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,720
I think for me it is the
learning of a new thing, right?

727
00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,440
Like so honestly, my TikTok, I
just started a new one for the

728
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,520
podcast.
Obviously there's like minimal

729
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:37,840
followers.
I was like, I'll just start that

730
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,160
there.
I go on TikTok to talk about K

731
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,040
dramas, right?
Like I always talk about this,

732
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,480
right?
Like I love Korea, so I watch

733
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:46,480
that is like my Oh my God, I
worked really hard.

734
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,960
I've done all my public and
private things.

735
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,720
I've done all my business
things, right?

736
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,160
I have two businesses I'm
running OK, and then I'm going

737
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,720
to go chill out to these
fantastical stories because

738
00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:01,120
something about it just makes me
happy.

739
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,800
So I'm just that's my happy
place.

740
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,920
So I don't care if I have a
following because I just don't

741
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,480
care.
So I have like my Instagram and

742
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,600
my favorite is just watching my
numbers like go up 2000 and

743
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,800
down, 2000 up and down.
I'm like, you know what, like do

744
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,800
I care?
No, I don't like as I just want,

745
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,560
I want.
I started this podcast for

746
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:24,600
camaraderie because sometimes as
a creative, I feel really lonely

747
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,120
because I'm in a town of
bankers.

748
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,000
I'm in a like, there's super
creative people around me, but

749
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,240
we're all slightly introverted,
right?

750
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,880
It's lonely, doesn't it?
Isn't that interesting though,

751
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,920
as much as we're engaged and
we're connecting, we're sharing,

752
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,040
we're doing all the.
Things but we're like so.

753
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,200
Lonely out here?
And then I retreat.

754
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:47,680
That was one of my other reasons
of doing that, because, yes, I

755
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,880
have amazing guests like
yourself.

756
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,280
I think you were on twice,
actually.

757
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,920
Yeah, I know that I get to
connect with, right, but it's

758
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,720
more of a monologue.
I put the audio out there and

759
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,920
I'm like, I can look to see
people are listening, but I

760
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:07,720
don't get anything back.
I'm like, OK, And then Facebook

761
00:42:07,720 --> 00:42:09,200
and Instagram, kind of same
thing.

762
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,480
You're like putting the shit out
there, like all right.

763
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,960
And the reason I wanted the sub
stack was for my own, my own

764
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,880
soul to be able to get back into
writing and to sharing and for

765
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,360
connection.
So you you do.

766
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,960
What are you going to?
Focus on though, is it going to

767
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,200
be midlife makeover stuff or is
it going to be more personal?

768
00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:32,880
Midlife ology so.
It's a cocktail.

769
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,880
You're you're sharing cocktail
recipes.

770
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,040
But you know, like just
different ideas that I have that

771
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,240
I want to write about.
I don't always want to step in

772
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:42,880
front of a camera.
And I love the cameras.

773
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,440
You know, I love recording,
making videos, but I don't

774
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,520
always want to do that.
And I feel like that's what's

775
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:53,080
lacking right now for me.
So we have to tune into our muse

776
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:58,080
and go, what do you need?
So as we know, we'll get busy.

777
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:01,600
We'll get busy with writing or
we'll be busy creating, trying

778
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,480
different things.
And we have to stop every now

779
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,640
and then and be like, all right,
what do you need?

780
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:10,400
What's wrong?
And it's like, what's that?

781
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,440
That movie with the the baseball
field?

782
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:14,960
Build it and they will come,
right?

783
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,720
You just build it and they will
come.

784
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:19,480
Whoever comes comes, Whoever
does and whoever listens,

785
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,320
watches.
Whatever it is that you're

786
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,920
creating, you have to detach
from that because whatever makes

787
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,120
you feel good is going to be
good.

788
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:28,400
Oh.
My God this is so funny.

789
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,640
So forever.
Bajillion years ago.

790
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:35,320
So when I I mean, I was in my
20s, so like 17 lifetimes ago at

791
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,920
this point.
So I'm an intuitive people.

792
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:40,240
I could see here and feel
things.

793
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:43,000
I think the first, the first
time we recorded, dude, you had

794
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,560
a thing in your kitchen.
I still like it was like this

795
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:46,760
little goblin.
I was like, that thing is

796
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,640
annoying me.
So I could just see it like

797
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,360
hovering over your head.
It was really wild anyway, but

798
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,960
so like I have this thing and I
got a reading and the gentleman

799
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,400
who gave me the reading his his
name is Tolo.

800
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,600
That's what he goes by now.
I forget what it means.

801
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:05,200
Any it was a trippy experience
for me because I mean like I

802
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,960
knew I would get hits, but I had
no control over any of my gifts.

803
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,320
So like I didn't know what it
was.

804
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,640
I didn't know that you didn't
have it.

805
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:16,400
Like I there was like a lot of I
didn't knows and we were sitting

806
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,680
face to face and he opened his
eyes and his eyes were

807
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,320
completely black, like his
pupils had dilated.

808
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,880
So like I was like, what the
hell?

809
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:27,120
And in this very first reading,
he told me my spirituality was

810
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,480
as big as a whale above me.
And then my life had this

811
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,880
meaning that I didn't even
understand yet that I had

812
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,960
secrets, that I and I had a lot
of secrets at that time.

813
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,360
I had been assaulted.
I had like, I had a lot of

814
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:39,880
things that I didn't tell
anyone.

815
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,160
Yeah.
He's like, you have secrets, but

816
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:46,560
we all know them, right?
And then that and I think they

817
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,360
were like you.
Oh, I wanted the impossible in a

818
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,280
man.
They told me that my reading was

819
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,160
like, you wanted someone
emotionally available and

820
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:54,280
masculine.
And they're like, it doesn't

821
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,120
come in a package like that.
And then I know and then they

822
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:05,440
told me later that that I would
not be traditionally found like

823
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,240
as a writer, as a creative.
And that just see, I get mad.

824
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,080
That pissed you off?
It pissed me off.

825
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,320
Why did that make you mad?
As you're telling me, I heard

826
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:18,240
you're not good enough.
You're not good enough.

827
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:19,880
That's a.
Great word, yeah.

828
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,960
That's what I heard, what I
heard as a young dancer.

829
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,320
You're not good enough.
You're not.

830
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:24,880
Fuck yes, I am.
So.

831
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:26,560
Yeah.
So that I always say that.

832
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,240
Fuck you again.
It's an adult content show, so

833
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:31,640
fuck you as a fossil fuel.
It'll only get you so far.

834
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,480
Like if you don't have more to
it, you'll burn out, right?

835
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,840
It you can't sustain.
But for me, like what I love

836
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:41,320
listening about your process is
you're like, yeah, my light.

837
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:46,160
This is how it's coming.
And for me it was, well, if this

838
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,160
is what I want to write, I'm not
a really good writer yet.

839
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:49,400
Let me get better at writing
again.

840
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,480
Let me find, let me learn it.
And then learning it.

841
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,440
And then I was like, oh, this is
my voice.

842
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:59,160
If you read my work, if it's an
essay or fiction, you can know

843
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,160
it's my work because the way I
tell story, right?

844
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,680
So there's that.
And then there's the business of

845
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,040
publishing, which is a whole
other thing that has nothing to

846
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,120
do with talent, everyone.
It has nothing.

847
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:15,720
And I've been in publishing long
enough to like be here at the

848
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:20,480
infancy of self-publishing and
how the stigma of that has

849
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:22,400
changed.
And so for my ego, I was like,

850
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,840
you're just telling me I'm only,
I can only do that.

851
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,960
And now I'm like, now I have a
bajillion avenues different

852
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,040
mindset, right?
I have so many different ways of

853
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,240
reaching people to share the
stories that I want to.

854
00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:38,640
And I am non linear.
And what I love personally about

855
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,440
like essays and memoir is that
you could do those braided

856
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,000
stories, right?
That you can weave in this

857
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:49,080
thought, this moment and like be
like that.

858
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,640
But so I find you fascinating
because you are I'm a process

859
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,640
person, right?
I like, I need this, this and

860
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,680
this, and I'm like, no, don't
tell me the process, man.

861
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:02,040
I'm going to do it my way like
so where we have rules that

862
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,200
affect us are in different,
different spots along the

863
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:09,600
journey.
I think for me, it was for so

864
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,800
long.
Most of my life in my creativity

865
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,360
had been cut off.
I didn't allow myself to allow

866
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:20,120
it to flow.
So when I finally made that

867
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,160
decision and turned on the
faucet, I was like, it's go

868
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,640
time.
I love it because I was

869
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,760
miserable.
I was miserable without that,

870
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,520
Yeah.
And so do you still bake then?

871
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,520
Are you the cooking?
OK, so you're, you're in.

872
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,240
Can we say what country you're
in?

873
00:47:35,240 --> 00:47:37,760
Do you like telling people?
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, I'm on

874
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,920
the island of, I'm on the island
of Madeira, Portugal, which is

875
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,320
actually closer to South Africa
than it is to the mainland.

876
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,800
But when I sold everything a few
years ago after I rebuilt my

877
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,880
life in in Chicago and then I
took off in the RVI, sold

878
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:56,520
everything except for a few
boxes of French baking pans.

879
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:02,760
So they are, they are right now
in storage in Arizona and

880
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:07,000
they're still there just in case
if I can bring them here or who

881
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,720
knows.
I'm I'm kind of open right now

882
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:13,360
to what life sends my way.
Guys, you've been coming, you've

883
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,240
been going to Portugal for a
couple of years now.

884
00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:18,240
Is that going to be, is that
like your home turf in the

885
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:20,120
summer or are you going to
explore more?

886
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,000
Yeah, no, I I definitely want to
explore more.

887
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:26,320
That was one of my reasons of
coming here, just to be closer

888
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,320
to be in Europe so I could
freely because, you know, as an

889
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,920
American, it's 90 days on, 90
days off.

890
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:37,320
It's like that's exhausting.
But in the RVI loved it and I

891
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,400
still do.
I mean, she's Felicia.

892
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:43,200
Felicia's sitting in storage
right now in Florida, probably

893
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,000
sweating her ass off, but she.
Is because it's super hot here.

894
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,040
Oh.
My God.

895
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,800
So yeah, I still have the RV.
But then what's nice was

896
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:56,360
nowadays, I mean, with what we
do, you can do it anywhere in

897
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,000
the whole wide world, just need
Wi-Fi.

898
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:03,480
So whether that's in the RV or
it's here in Portugal, and I

899
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:08,440
mean, shoot, I was on San
Antonio and Portland Live.

900
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,880
I've been doing all of these
shows right here in Portugal.

901
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:16,200
It's crazy.
I think sometimes we, we forget

902
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,080
all of the advancements that we
have nowadays that people are

903
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:21,880
like still keep themselves in
this little box and like, you

904
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:23,640
know, you can get
out-of-the-box.

905
00:49:23,720 --> 00:49:26,960
You know, that's my own day.
Like smash it, dance on top no?

906
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:30,440
Box, Yeah, you don't have to
stay in the same spot, yeah.

907
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,240
I'm trying to figure out, I want
to interview someone, but his

908
00:49:33,240 --> 00:49:35,920
English isn't good enough and my
Korean is definitely not good

909
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,080
enough.
But he's fascinating.

910
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:39,560
And I was like, I got to find an
interpreter.

911
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,520
And I don't know how an
interpreter would work on a

912
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,120
podcast.
I'm just like, I'm like, maybe

913
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,000
that won't work at all.
My my fantasy.

914
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,720
But what I like about me is
like, I'm trying, right?

915
00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:52,200
Like, I think for me, if you
tell me no, I don't care.

916
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,040
I'm just going for it.
Yeah.

917
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,280
So you say no, OK, not fit for
you next.

918
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,280
Like I was thinking when you
said, yes, you're busy.

919
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:01,320
You are busy.
You have a lot going.

920
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,600
On I love it.
I love it, I love it, I love it.

921
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:09,240
I love every ounce of it.
All right, so sub stack and the

922
00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:11,200
next book you're like a three
book deal with.

923
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:15,040
Yeah, the next coming the next
book is called What If?

924
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,880
That makes sense.
I know what if?

925
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,480
What if you actually did all the
things that you know you can do

926
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:24,920
and want to do and?
Like it?

927
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:30,160
Yeah, that'll have to be 2026
project.

928
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,720
Yeah, that's half over.
Yeah, it's everything's

929
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,760
dedicated to this book now.
Yeah, exactly.

930
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:39,840
The old, the old Wendy would
have been like, I can squeeze

931
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,400
this in.
Like, no, I do know.

932
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,280
I do know that.
And I'm a really hard worker

933
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:50,840
because I love what I do now.
But I also have realized that if

934
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:54,480
I go on for too long without
taking breaks or going to play

935
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,680
and laughing and going out to
dinner or whatever it is that

936
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:01,400
I'm like, whoo, so I need that.
But that's just learning.

937
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,240
Learning what you need as you go
through the process.

938
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:05,680
OK.
Excellent.

939
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,760
All right, so we've come to the
end and they my favorite last

940
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:12,000
question, which I like to tell
people, I warn people I'm going

941
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,640
to ask them this because some
people don't like being caught

942
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:18,200
off guard.
If you came with a warning

943
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:27,720
label, what would it be?
Caution contents may inspire

944
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:34,880
radical change in your life.
I started with applause.

945
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,000
I'm ending with applause.
I love it.

946
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:39,800
I like that one.
That's yeah.

947
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,680
There's no Chad GBT in that at
all.

948
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,560
I like that, No.
That's it was either gonna be

949
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:48,760
that I thought about that I was
like or like better put on

950
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,040
glasses because it's about to
get bright.

951
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:54,440
Let her put on your sunglasses.
About to get bright in here

952
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,560
like.
I don't even know how you see

953
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,120
the camera without your glasses.
Like I've noticed in my

954
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:00,640
interviews sometimes like I
could see.

955
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:02,240
Is that like looking into the
bifocal?

956
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:04,720
It's terrible but they look
cute.

957
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:07,800
I know, and I like, yeah, I've
got all the little different

958
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,880
thingies.
OK, Wendy, where can people find

959
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,000
you?
Where do you want them to go?

960
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,200
And where do you want them to
get your book?

961
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:15,240
Cuz it'll be.
Thank you.

962
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,280
Yes.
When does this air, when does

963
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:19,960
this come out?
Do you know yet?

964
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,920
It will be in the fall, it'll be
September, October.

965
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,240
Oh that's perfect.
OK cuz the book comes out man.

966
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:29,240
The book comes out September
9th.

967
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:34,680
Everyone at 99.
The best place to go is

968
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,440
wendyvalentine.com.
That's the main hub for

969
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,400
everything.
You can find more about the book

970
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:41,880
there.
I mean, the book can be found

971
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,560
anywhere.
It's on Amazon of course.

972
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:47,600
Of course it's on Amazon, Barnes
and Noble, everywhere.

973
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:52,920
I'm on, as you know, Facebook,
Instagram, and now sub stack as

974
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,640
Wendy Valentine.
Wendy Valentine.

975
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,440
Thank you so much for being.
Against.

976
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:02,040
The Holly Hughes Podcast and
anyone who's listening, go be

977
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,280
creative.
Yes, please.

978
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:05,960
Go, go, go, go.
Thanks.