Things I wish I knew in my 20's

I had a plan in my twenties. I was going to move up from a PA, to a POC, to a UPM, to a producer in 5 years. I was going to have my first kid at 28, the second at 30, and my possible 3rd by 32. I was going to love a broken man enough to make him happy- that included giving up all the things I loved and sacrificing myself to receive love.

Quick tip: I never was loved with any kindness for him. My work would speak for itself, and I would push down any emotions that didn't help production and freely give away all of my creativity and ideas because I had absolutely garbage self-esteem.                                                

What actually happened. I married an abusive man. I worked my ass off and masked all my pain at work so people wouldn't know. At 28, I began coming to terms with the fact I was rap3d when I was 15, lost my home to a fire at 17, lost my home once again in the Northridge earthquake, and that I NEVER felt pretty enough, thin enough, or good enough. But that's when something snapped. I also realized I was doing what I knew even though I hated it. I found the best therapist, thanks to an art director. I met many of my work goals; I was producing by the time I was 26, but I stepped back to work at Spelling Television.

I still see that trait in me; I stepped back to help others shine. Not in a collaborative way, but in a self-sacrificing way.    

I want to tell my 20-year-old self, you did so much, baby girl; take a breath. Give yourself some credit. Keep writing. Find other people who won't say NO to your creative ideas; there's room for your stories and creativity. Skip the distant and withholding men; they will only hurt you. Travel more!!!! Take your time to process your thoughts and feelings. There's more craziness ahead in your life. You have the tools. You are loved. You matter, I got you, and I see you.

#life #lifelessons #lifeisbeautiful #lookingback #creativity #writer #film #TV