How to Write About Family Without Repeating the Past | Monica Macansantos
What if writing about your past didn’t mean reliving it?
In this episode of the Holly Hughes Podcast, Holly sits down with author Monica Macansantos, writer of Returning to My Father’s Kitchen and Love and Other Rituals, to explore how we tell the truth about family, identity, and the stories that shape us, without getting stuck inside them.
Monica shares how her father’s openness transformed pain into connection, and how writing became a way to process generational trauma without passing it forward. Through food, memory, and lived experience across the Philippines, the United States, and New Zealand, she reflects on what it means to belong, even when you feel like an outsider.
This conversation moves between the deeply personal and the universal. From complicated family dynamics and cultural identity, to the quiet ways we carry home with us, wherever we go. It’s about learning how to hold your past with honesty, without letting it define your future.
If you’ve ever struggled with where you come from, how to tell your story, or how to make peace with your past, this episode will meet you there.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
How to write about family without reinforcing generational patterns
Why storytelling can transform, not just revisit, trauma
The role of food and memory in shaping identity
What it means to feel like an outsider, even when you belong
How cultural identity evolves across countries and experiences
Why you don’t need labels to understand who you are
The connection between creativity, grief, and healing
How to process the past without letting it control your future
What “home” really means when you’ve lived in many places
We talk about:
00:00 Introduction to Monica Macansantos and her work
02:10 Writing about family, trauma, and healing
05:00 Tango, trust, and understanding complex relationships
07:20 Food, memory, and connection to home
10:00 Growing up between cultures and identities
13:00 Leaving the Philippines and expanding opportunities
16:00 Travel, belonging, and building a life across countries
19:00 Toxic environments and creative communities
22:00 Feeling like an outsider and finding your voice
25:00 Ghosts, memory, and being haunted by the past
28:00 Cultural trauma and historical silence
32:00 The “landlady” story and learning boundaries
36:00 Writing process, discipline, and current projects
39:00 Female friendships and power dynamics
42:00 Identity, labels, and being human first
45:00 Connection, understanding, and shared experience
49:00 Monica’s warning label and closing thoughts
Connect with Monica
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/madamebutchay/
Website: https://www.monicamacansantos.com/
Connect with Holly
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holly_hughes_intuitive/
Get Holly’s book here: https://hollyhughesintuitive.com/my-book/
Website: https://hollyhughesintuitive.com/
#WritingAboutFamily #GenerationalTrauma #CulturalIdentity
